[佐助X樱]frozen[完结]

阅读模式 · 发表于 2006-11-12 13:11:08

本帖最后由为月冥于 2012-6-25 15:37 编辑

Prologue: Everything

Troubled by nightmares, Sasuke sat up in bed. Eyes wide open he stared at his hands, but in the darkness he could not see anything. He believed to notice the smell of blood in air. He reached for the bedside lamp and the light flickered sharply. He suppressed the impulse to close his eyes and stared at his hands in disbelief. They were clean. He had been positive that they would be blood-stained. Impatiently, he tossed the blanket aside and rose. It had now been two weeks since he had returned victoriously from the battle, and nevertheless these dreams still haunted him every night.

The memory of the fierce fight against Itachi, which he had won in the end, haunted him.  He had always dreamt about this moment. Still, now that he had reached the goal of his dreams, he felt only empty. There was no feeling of satisfaction like he had expected there would be. Not even a kind of relief. Only this emptiness.

And he could not get rid of the pictures in his head. The last minutes of his brother and the way he had tried to explain the murders briefly before his death. I did it so that we could be free, Sasuke! They hated me, and they were afraid you already! Because we were too strong. I wanted to free us!

His words had only been lies, or at least that’s what Sasuke had tried to tell himself over and over. Nevertheless, there was a gnawing voice in the back of his head, always asking itself whether or not Itachi had spoken the truth after all. He would never find out.

He left his small apartment clad only in his black pants. The night air was cool, but he did not mind at all.

The bandages around his head bothered him. For months he had been without the forehead protector of Konoha, and now he was no more accustomed to the feeling of having something tied around his head. Actually, he should have remained in bed. Tsunade had taken care of him after the fight; otherwise he would have probably died from his injuries. Not that the thought worried him. Now that he had achieved his goal, his life had no more meaning anyway.

Some light shone down on him and he raised his head. The clouds had divided for one moment and the moon seemed radiating brightly by the sky. Sasuke sighed quietly. Why do I feel so empty? He had the impression to be able to feel nothing at all any more. He could enjoy neither the beauty of this night nor the peacefulness of the village which he called home.

“Sasuke-kun?”

He turned around. “Sakura?” He was surprised to see her at such a late time. It seemed as if she had been on the way to his place. “You were going to see me?” he asked.

She blushed slightly and nodded. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

He nodded, more to himself. Now he remembered. During the first week, when he had lain in bed recovering from the wounds of the fight, she had often been there. Whenever he had awoken from the terrifying dreams, Sakura had been there, replacing the wet cloth on his forehead, or just sleeping on a chair next to his bed. He searched his heart for a feeling of warmth or gratitude, but there was just nothing.

“You should not be out here in the cold, Sasuke-kun,” she said tenderly and approached him. “I’ll bring you home, before you catch a cold. Tsunade said your body is still weak.”

He allowed her to take his hand and lead him back to his apartment. For no particular reason, he found himself thinking back to the day when they had met Kakashi and he had asked them about their dreams. I don’t know whether you could call it a dream, he had answered at the time. But I must kill a certain man.  And rebuild my clan.

He inhaled sharply. Perhaps that was it. The resurrection of the clan... maybe then his feelings would return.

Sakura opened the door to his apartment and switched on the light. He deliberately closed the door, while she had already disappeared into the kitchen. “I’ll make you some tea, Sasuke-kun,” she called out merrily. She had always been by his side. When Kakashi and Naruto had betrayed him and tried to stop him from taking his revenge, only she had been there for him. He remembered what she had said that day when he had attempted to leave with the four sound-nin.

I love you with all my heart, Sasuke! Please, stay with me! And if you must go, then take me with you, I will try to help you in any way I can. I beg you, Sasuke. I... I would do everything for you!!

He went into the kitchen, an idea forming itself in his head. “Sakura,” he said. She turned around and smiled sweetly at him. She was always smiling when he was around. For whom was she playing the cheerful girl? For him?

“Sasuke-kun! Aren’t you cold?” she exclaimed. “Wait, I’ll get you something to wear.” She left the room and he looked over to the stove, where she had prepared water for the tea. She returned quickly, with a shirt over her arm. He did not protest when she flung it around his shoulders with a caring smile.

“Sakura...” he began, but she had turned back to the stove and was preparing two cups. “Sakura, do you remember what you said to me back then?”

Surprised, she turned her head. “What do you mean, Sasuke-kun? When did I say what?”

“When I left the village to go with the sound-nin.”, he explained patiently. It was starting to annoy him that she would rather concentrate on the cups of tea than on what he was saying. “Back then you said that you would do everything for me.”

She stopped and said, without turning around, “That was the truth.”

“Do you still feel that way?” he asked seriously. She picked up a cup and he lost his patience.  Carefully he grabbed her shoulders and turned her around so she was facing him. His shirt slipped from his shoulders. She looked at him in surprise. “I have a request, Sakura.”

“What is it?” Her eyes became large. She could see in his eyes how serious he was about this.

He stared into her eyes and spoke firmly: “Marry me, Sakura.” The cup fell to the floor with a crash and broke into pieces.

Chapter 1: Sakura's answer

Sakura couldn't bring herself to say something. Perhaps for the first time in her life she was absolutely speechless. A joke!, a voice cried in her head. He must be joking! But Sasuke never joked.  In addition, she saw the earnest look in his eyes clearly. He was absolutely serious about this.

“Sasuke?” she whispered. She had spread her heart out before him back then and he had never given her a sign that he saw anything in her other than a bothersome companion. She had resigned herself already to the fact that Sasuke did not feel anything for her. Or was that wrong? It had to be, because otherwise he would not have asked her to marry him.

But his eyes were cold and empty. He awaited her answer without nervousness. But hadn’t she already given him an answer? Hadn’t she promised to do anything for him? Everything? Nevertheless he inquired, “Well, what do you say?”

She answered quietly, “Yes....”

He exhaled softly, somehow relieved. His reaction surprised her. “Good,” he said simply.

She had imagined this moment ever since she had fallen in love with him. Had imagined how Sasuke would ask her to marry him and then embrace her and kiss her and never, ever let her go. Reality was sobering. Was that all? With trembling legs she knelt down and gathered the pieces of broken glass. When a pair of hands reached out to help her, she raised her head in surprise. Sasuke did not look her into the eyes.

Together they picked up what was remaining of the cup, and then Sasuke took his shirt and put it on.

Sakura observed him wordlessly. He had just proposed to her, dammit! And the only thing he had said to her since then was, “Good!!!" She was overwhelmed. So many thoughts ran through her head.  She stammered, “We should talk... about it... tomorrow. I better go home...”

Without letting him answer she ran past him and left the apartment. Confused, she stormed off into the night, until she reached home. Trembling, she unlocked the door and met her mother on the way to her room, who asked her, “Sakura, what’s the matter? You look troubled.”

“It’s nothing!," she called and slammed the door shut. In the quietness of her room, she finally became calm enough to think about it all. Sasuke wanted to marry her. It was what she had always dreamed about. Her hands trembled. Perhaps she should just wait until Sasuke got better. Perhaps that had been only an idea Sasuke hadn’t entirely thought about. They would talk about it tomorrow. Until then it was best not to think at all about it.

Something dripped onto her thigh. And then the tears simply came. She did not even know whether she was crying of joy, or whether it was because of his coldness.

***

As she had planned it, the very next day she went to talk to Sasuke.  She brought up all of her courage and asked him whether he had been serious.  All he said was 'Yes' and so it was settled. They were going to get married.

Sakura wasn’t sure how she would tell the others about this. She decided to have a talk with Kakashi and Naruto first, so she treated the two to some Ramen.

As usual Naruto plunged down the noodles while Kakashi did not seem to be hungry. He looked at Sakura somewhat distrustfully and asked: “You haven’t invited us out for a long time... could there be something you want to tell us?”

Sakura hesitated. “I’ve got news... and I wanted to ask you two for advice.  After all, you’re my best friends.” She gulped for air. “Sasuke... he... yesterday, he asked me to marry him.”

“WHAAAAAAT?” Naruto spat his meal crosswise over the table. Kakashi only curved his brows. While Naruto struggled for air, Kakashi asked thoughtfully, “Are you serious? I didn't even know you were together.”

“We weren't,” she whispered. “He just asked me.... just like that.”

Kakashi did not seem very pleased. “And what did you say?”

“I said yes,” she answered with her head lowered. She wanted to say more, but suddenly she was staring into a pair of teary blue eyes.

“Sakura-chaaaaan!?” Naruto whined. “You want to marry Sasuke? That cold-hearted bastard?! You can't do this to me!”

She had expected his reaction. After all, he had had a crush on her for quite a while, even though lately he had repeatedly gone out with Hinata. “You have Hinata, did you forget that?” she said, calming Naruto.

He shoved his lower lip forward and pouted. Kakashi interjected, “Are you really sure about this, Sakura? You know that Sasuke isn't the affectionate type...”

Somehow she felt like she had to defend him. “He has always protected me, and he wouldn’t ask me to marry him without a reason! I always dreamed about having a family with Sasuke.”

“You want to have kids???” Naruto howled.

Sakura gave him a smack to his head and continued to speak: “He might not show it, but I know he is actually warm-hearted. I love him and I want to marry him.”

Kakashi sighed quietly, then smiled beneath his mask, patted her shoulder, and said, “Well then, I wish you guys good luck. May I hold the speech at your wedding?”

“Oh come on, you’d probably be late...” grumbled Sakura. She threw a glance at her clock and stood up quickly. “My goodness! I wanted to talk to my parents before lunch time. They still have no clue! Guys, wish me luck!” She whirled around and started to run, leaving the two men speechless.

Kakashi looked at Naruto, who had not touched his Ramen. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

He pushed the dish away and said, “I’m not hungry.” While Sakura had been with them, he had acted cheerful, but now he just looked sad.

“I thought you accepted the fact that Sakura is in love with Sasuke...” Kakashi said.

With his head lowered the boy answered: “I did.” He put the chopsticks aside and unpleasant silence spread. Kakashi followed the trails of his own, dark thoughts. This idea of a wedding did not please him. Sasuke had never shown interest in Sakura or any other girl. Where did this sudden request come from? Was it because of the fact that he had defeated Itachi?

“She didn't look happy, did she?”, Naruto said suddenly. Kakashi stared at him in awe. The young shinobi smiled sadly. “Sakura-chan. She did not look happy at all.” Actually, he had just said out loud what Kakashi was thinking. So he had been right.

***

Sighing quietly, Sasuke opened his window and rose to the parapet wall of the balcony. As quietly as possible, he climbed downward and then let himself fall to the ground for the last few meters. He heard girls' voices coming from the front entrance and rolled his eyes. Since Sakura had spoken to her parents about the wedding, he hadn’t had a single calm minute. The message had spread itself like a fire throughout the village and since then these fangirls kept knocking at his door to ask him directly whether the rumors were true or not.

He hated these shrieking, immature girls. Couldn’t they leave him in peace at least in the evening?

He liked his apartment, because in such cases he always had another escape without having to use the front door. The voices became louder and he made sure to get away from the house as quickly as possible. Since he had spontaneously asked Sakura to marry him, he had hardly found a moment of quietness. He needed some time to arrange his own thoughts, and to find out why he had asked her after all. Yesterday he had met with the Hokage, Tsunade, and asked officially for permission for the marriage. It was actually a pure formality, but since he was now the head of the clan (even if at the same time he was the only living member), the Hokage had to agree.

Tsunade had been very pleased and had agreed to take care of the ceremony herself. Sasuke hadn’t said anything. He hoped for a short, fast marriage; he had no interest to worry about that other nonsense. Sakura should simply become his wife.

He walked past the Ninja academy and was unwillingly reminded of old times. Sakura had been a child back then. But over the years she had grown up, particularly during the Chuunin exam and her fight against Ino, she had impressed him. Maybe he had already unconsciously decided back then that he would marry her. She was beautiful, there was no point in trying to deny that, and in addition she was strong and mature. She was ideal for his plans.

His view fell upon the swing, which hung on a tree not far from the entrance. At that time Naruto had been sitting there, after he had failed the graduation exam once again. Sasuke came to a hold, when the swing moved. Someone was sitting on it, with a lowered head. Surprised, Sasuke approached the swing and asked into the night. “Naruto? Is that you?”

“I saw you,” Naruto said without a greeting. “Aren’t you with Sakura?”

“She is at home,”  Sasuke said coolly.

Naruto snorted impatiently. “You guys don’t look like a loving couple that's about to get married.”

“Jealous?” Sasuke asked with a triumphant smile.

The blonde Ninja threw him a dark glance. “Cut the crap, Sasuke. I have accepted the fact that she does not like me, but you were never interested in her and you kept hurting her. I don’t trust you.” He rose from his swing and grabbed the collar of Sasuke’s shirt. “If you hurt her, I’ll finish you. Do you understand?”

Regaining his composure, Sasuke freed himself of Naruto's grip and scoffed, “You better sit back down on your swing, dobe. You don't stand a chance against me, so you better keep your empty threats to yourself.”

“Since your return you're so cold, Sasuke,” Naruto said. “Before, you were distant, but you cared for your friends and I always thought you had a good heart. Now you are so different. That’s why I’m worried about Sakura-chan.”

“Hn.”, Sasuke muttered.

“I want you to honestly answer me one question,” Naruto said. “Do you love Sakura?”

Sasuke threw him an icy look. “No.”

Chapter 2: Wedding bells

A little annoyed, Sasuke headed for Sakura’s homeplace. His former discussion with Naruto was bothering him. Since when could Naruto be so serious? And why did he care anyway? “Tsk. To ask if I love her... he has some nerve...” he muttered to himself. “That’s none of his business anyway.”

He tried to assure himself that he did not care about their strange talk at all, but on the other hand he couldn’t stop thinking about it. In the end, Naruto might interfere and ruin his plans. He’d have to accelerate the whole thing, just to make sure.

When he arrived at Sakura’s house and knocked, it was her who answered the door. “Sasuke-kun!”, she exclaimed. “Ah, come on in!” The house looked empty. Much to his relief, there seemed to be no one home but her.

“Where are your parents?” he inquired. He was not eager to meet her family. Such things had been simply unpleasant since the death of his parents.

“On a business trip,” she answered quickly and concisely. “They’ll return in about two weeks. When they left they just said that they like you and I should do whatever I feel is right.”

Ah, perfect. Sakura pointed to the couch and they sat down. He noticed the slight distance she kept from him. Normally, she would have sat herself down as close to him as possible. “Can I offer you something to drink, Sasuke-kun?” she asked in a friendly tone.

“No thanks,” he murmured. Something was disturbing him in here. The house was large and bright, the living room was pleasant and warm, and all lights were on. They hurt his eyes but he didn't say anything about it. This was a house a family lived in, just as his home had been once, when his parents were still alive. Now he hated this wrong ideal, and he hated the way these families seemed to always laugh at him tauntingly. He was the only one who knew how fragile this happiness could be. For only a brief second he felt burning hatred against Sakura, who had the gift of a loving family and took it for granted.

“Sasuke?” she asked and brought him back to reality. He winced slightly and had to forcefully suppress his feeling of anger. “Sasuke-kun, was there a reason you came over?”

Ah. He had nearly forgotten. “I came to take you with me. I want you to live with me from now on.”

She grew pale. “What? You want me to move in with you?” she stammered. “So fast?”

He shrugged. “Why should we wait? I’ll go to the Hokage tomorrow and take care of everything. I think it’s best if you move in with me now, so get your things packed.” Right after he had said that, he realized that perhaps he had been a little too rude.

She hesitated and he was positive that she would decline his offer. But then her expression lightened and she said, “Okay! It’s boring here anyways without my parents.” Sometimes she was a mystery to him, but he didn't have the nerves to think about it. “I’ll pack one bag for now, and we can go fetch the rest some other time.”

“Alright.”

***

Slightly hesitating, Sakura entered the apartment. She had been here only a few times, and back then she hadn’t the nerve to memorise the surroundings. The thought that this was going to be her new home was a little frightening. She put her bag on the floor and slipped out of her shoes. Sasuke locked the door thoroughly. She noticed that he had not turned on the lights. It was not necessary yet, for there was still enough light coming through the windows, however, the overall appearance of his living room seemed somehow creepy in this twilight.

She took a few uncertain steps into the room. It was bald in there, everything neatly cleaned up. The furniture was absolutely bare. Only a single lone plant sat on the windowsill of the large front window, and even this seemed to be strangely out of place in the sterile room.

“Follow me,” Sasuke said, standing beside her. He took her bag and led her to the bedroom. The room was as  empty as the others. She had already been here a few times, when Sasuke had lain in bed recovering from his wounds. At that time she had not noticed how much the mood of this place weighed a person down. One single photo stood there on a small table, and as she picked it up, she had to smile. It showed Sasuke, Naruto and herself. Kakashi had taken this picture some time ago, much to Sasuke’s displeasure, but the fact that he had kept it proved that it meant something to him.

“Sakura.” His cool voice tore her from the thoughts and she put the frame back on the table. He opened the large cabinet and unceremoniously dropped her bag on the floor in front of it. She looked into the cabinet curiously and noticed that there was far too much room for him alone. His clothes occupied only a small part of the cabinet, leaving the remainder bald and empty. “There is enough room for your stuff,” he muttered. “I’ll be in the living room.”

“Okay,” she said as she watched him exit the room. When he was gone, the smile on her face disappeared. The first thing she did was turn on the lights and sigh. Finally. How was she ever supposed to feel at home in this place? With a sense of resignation she bent down and opened her bag.

***

Sasuke looked out of the window and waited patiently. Light shone through the gap in the doorway and reminded him that only he was unable to bear the sharp light at the moment. His eyes were still very sensitive. Itachi had nearly taken his eyesight when he had created the stunning flash of light during the battle. Sasuke's eyes would need some time to recover. This was also the reason he currently preferred to be out during the night.

Sakura returned to Sasuke after about ten minutes. “Aren’t your eyes better yet?” she asked nervously as she entered from the brightly illuminated bedroom into the depressing living room.

He shook his head no. “It’s getting better.”

She came to him and took his hand. He couldn’t tell what she was up to. Her hand felt cool to the touch. She pulled him up and looked into his eyes seriously. “Sasuke...” she said and hesitated briefly.  He had the feeling that she had been attempting to call him ‘Sasuke-kun’ like earlier. “Kiss me.”

He stared at her, astonished. After she had been silent for such a long time, this sudden request surprised him. She gathered her courage and repeated, “Please, kiss me.” He hesitated. In all honesty, he had never kissed a girl before. He had always concentrated only on his revenge. He was going to marry her though, right? This was part of it too. He approached her and grasped her shoulders.

She closed her eyes. For an instant their lips met and he wondered how long a kiss might have to last. His thoughts wandered off as he went over his mental checklist of preparations for the ceremony. His earlier discussion with Naruto was still running through his head as well. Suddenly, Sakura opened her eyes and looked at him. Seeing that he was staring in another direction, she broke the kiss. She lowered her head and turned around. “We should go to sleep, don’t you think so?”

“Aa.” he muttered. It surprised him that she had not said anything about this lousy excuse for a kiss. Even he, as unexperienced as he was, knew that the kiss had been lame. He went ahead to the bedroom while she disappeared into the bathroom. Quickly he turned off the lights and changed for bed. When he slept, he usually wore his tight, black shorts. He laid down and momentarily was glad that his bed was larger than average. The thought of sleeping beside her from now on was strange. He had not shared a bed with someone for years, as he had been living alone since the age of seven.

***

Sakura threw one last glance at herself in the mirror. She was wearing her baggiest pajamas and felt she was now ready to go to the bedroom. She was positive that Sasuke wasn’t going to try anything tonight, but still she felt uncomfortable. She hoped that he had fallen asleep already.

Carefully she sneaked into the darkness of the room, knowing how the bright lights would hurt his eyes. However, when she ran into the cabinet, Sasuke sighed heavily and switched on the bedside lamp. “Sorry,” she whispered as she crawled onto the bed. He watched her as she unfolded the extra blanket and crept under the covers.

“Are you done?” he asked her impatiently.

“Yeah...” she replied and the room was filled with darkness once again. Her eyes became accustomed to the darkness quickly. She watched him lay back down next to her. Slowly, her pounding heart calmed itself. She made note of the low temperature in this room. It was cold in the bedroom, and come to think of it the the rest of the apartment was too. It had a way of greatly dampening one's spirits... the apartment was as cold as him, and as empty as his eyes.

She froze, despite the blanket. Sasuke did not seem to be affected by the chill. She moved closer to him and put her hand shyly on his naked chest, in order to lean on it. He made an indignant noise and turned onto his side, his back facing her.

Sakura understood and retreated to her side of the bed. Thoughtfully, she stared at the gray ceiling. Yeah, that was how she had always imagined it would be when she would lie in bed as Sasuke. Just great.

***

When Sasuke awoke at around eight, Sakura was to be found in the kitchen   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   breakfast.  He accepted this fact calmly and sat down at the table, not even wishing her a good morning. Through this, Sakura was too busy with herself to wish him a glorious morning, beaming with joy as usual.

The whole situation was somewhat weird. She had always wished for a chance to be with Sasuke and make breakfast for him, maybe after a romantic night they had spent together... her dreams had been shattered already, even before the wedding. Now it only felt strange to see him sitting there at the table and to prepare a decent meal for him. She knew, he would never ask her to do that. He would not ask her to do anything one would expect from a housewife. But who else was supposed to do it? He probably didn’t eat breakfast at all when he was alone. It was a weird feeling; was this what her future was destined to be like? Staying at home waiting for him to return from a mission, and then later take care of the kids? This was no longer like a beautiful dream... it had become rather like a nightmare.

There was a gnawing voice in the back of her head which warned her about this wedding. She had suppressed this voice ever since Sasuke’s request had been made. Something within her did not want to face the truth. Yesterday, when she had asked him to kiss her, she had tried to prove herself wrong, but the way he had kissed her... there had been no feeling at all.  She had seen his eyes during the kiss. They had been looking in some random direction, his thoughts revolving around something else.

She shook the thought off and filled up the plates. When she brought them to the table, she announced merrily, “Breakfast is ready, Sasuke-kun!”

He drew the plate closer to himself and said calmly: “You didn’t have to do that; you know that.”

“I know, but I wanted to.”

He started to eat and after a short silence he said, “We have to be at Tsunade’s office at around ten. I’ll be out for a while, I’ll meet you there, okay?”

“Alright.”

***

Exactly five minutes before ten, Sasuke showed up outside Tsunade’s office. Sakura had already waited for nearly half an hour. She was dressed in her finest clothes while he was wearing his usual ninja outfit, the black, short pants and the equally black shirt with the Uchiha logo on his back. She hadn’t expected anything else from him.

As he approached her, he greeted her with a   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   nod.

She repeated the gesture mutely. She had had a half hour to think about it all, and the nagging voice of doubt in her head had become more like a scared scream. Was she doing the right thing? Was she here because she had promised something to him some years ago, or was it because she was still in love with him?

He went past her to the door, but before he could open it she grabbed his wrist and held him back. “Wait a second.”, she said and he stopped to look at her. She could not hide herself from the truth any longer. As hurtful as it was going to be, she had to face it. Before she was going to enter this room, she had to make it clear. She stared into his eyes directly and said: “I want you to answer me one question, and please be honest.” He nodded quietly and she asked the one question that had been bothering her since that day: “Why did you ask me to become your wife?”

Without hesitation he answered: “To restore my clan.”

This was exactly the answer she had expected. And yet, it hurt. A lot. “Do you love me, Sasuke-kun?”

“No.”

She nodded, shocked from his honest reply. He had just confirmed her worst fears. This was not about her. He could have asked any other girl too, probably he just chose her because she had been stupid enough to always be by his side. And stupid enough to wait for him. “I hoped so much that I was mistaken,” she said sadly.

“Do you want to call it off?” he asked.

She shook her head no. “I said I would do it, right? I just wanted to make things clear before we do this.”

This time he took her by the hand and pulled her to the door. “Then come.” He opened the door to the office, where Tsunade was already waiting for them.

“You’re a little late,” she said cheerfully. “I thought that perhaps Sasuke-kun got scared.” Sakura managed a weak smile. They both stood before Tsunade's desk and the Hokage asked: “So, how do you want me to do this? Do you want the whole ceremony or do you want a brief wedding?”

“Make it short.” Sasuke said quickly. Sakura stayed silent.

Tsunade picked a scroll from a drawer and unfolded it. It contained numerous lines of handwriting always concluded with some signatures. “This is an Uchiha family tree of sorts,” she explained. “The head of the family writes briefly about the two people getting married and then the couple and the witnesses sign below. Unfortunately, since there are no other family members, it’ll be only your signatures.”

“Is that all?” Sakura asked quietly.

“Ah, chotto matte!” Tsunade picked up a small black box from her desk and opened it, revealing two   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   , silver rings in it. “These were your parents’ rings, Sasuke-kun. They were family hereditary pieces and your father was very proud of them. Sarutobi-sensei had kept them for you and I thought, today was the right time for them to be returned to you.”

Sasuke stole a glance at the rings. An emotion flickered over his face for a second, it might have been sadness or maybe anger. “I had completely forgotten those...”, he said emotionlessly.

He took the rings from the small box and looked at them. Then he shove the larger of them unceremoniously into his pocket and handed Sakura the smaller one. Tsunade’s face darkened at the sight, but she did not say anything. Sakura admired the piece of jewelry for a second and then delicately slid it onto her ring finger.

Tsunade handed Sasuke a pen. He briefly read through the other texts on the scroll and then simply wrote down the current date and the text “Uchiha Sasuke, head of the clan, marries Haruno Sakura.” He then signed it and handed the pen over to Sakura. Her hands trembled as she wrote down her name next to his.

Tsunade nodded contently and said almost cynically: “I hereby pronounce you man and wife. Congratulations.”

Sasuke threw her a blank look. Sakura thanked her politely and followed her spouse who was already leaving the room, not bothering to wait for her. “Sakura!” Tsunade called after her and she stopped, looking back over her shoulder. The fifth Hokage smiled sadly. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

Sakura put up her best smile. “Sure.”

Chapter 3: Wedding night

Sakura hurried in order to catch up to Sasuke. He had not bothered to wait for her after Tsunade had detained her. She caught up to him and said with fake cheerfullness, “What are we going to do, now that we are married?”

He threw her a scornful glance and decided not to answer her question. It felt very strange. The realization that she was now married to the man of her dreams had not sunk in yet. Of course, she had imagined this day to be a little different in her childish daydreams.

She reached for his hand and he let her take it. “Sasuke,” she said seriously. “I do not expect you to play the loving husband. But I want you to talk to me. If something bothers you or if I am a burden to you, just tell me. We’re married. I would like to get to know the real you. I want to know everything about you.”

Before he could reply, a malicious voice said: “Well, isn’t that nice? I didn’t expect to see you two holding hands in public.”

Sakura tried not to lose control. Why did her eternal rival for Sasuke’s love have to show up right here and now? WHY? So far Ino had left her alone, even after the rumors about their engagement had spread throughout the village, but it was most likely time for the confrontation. “Hello, Ino” she said curtly.

“When I heard that you two got engaged I couldn’t believe it,” Ino hissed. “Congratulations, Sakura. What were you doing at Tsunade’s office?   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   plans for the wedding already?” Her tone of voice betrayed her feelings, she was obviously jealous.

“Actually…” Sakura murmured uncertainly and held up her hand, showing her rival the silver ring. “We just got married.” Ino grew pale. Sakura would have gladly enjoyed this small triumph over her old enemy, but there was still no word from Sasuke, and she knew that as soon as Ino would address him, he would ruin her victory and show Ino what this marriage was all about.

Ino regained her composure and stammered, “I can’t believe it! You’re joking, right? Sasuke, tell me this isn’t true!”

Sakura bit her lower lip when Sasuke opened his mouth to answer. He let go of her hand and she expected the worst. But instead of giving Ino an impatient answer, he put an arm posessively around Sakura’s waist and said, “We got married a few minutes ago.” He looked at Sakura. “Sakura-chan, can we go home? I would like to spend some time alone with you.” Sakura could not believe it. She stared at him with her mouth wide open, but she regained her composure quickly enough when she saw the hilarious expression on Ino’s face. She tried to stifle a laugh as they walked past her former rival.

When they were out of earshot, Sasuke quickly let go of her and shove his hands back into his pockets. Sakura didn’t understand what just happened. Why did Sasuke do that? Why did he play the loving husband all of a sudden? It was almost frightening to see how easily he acted as the affectionate lover if he wanted to. It was weird, because in front of Tsunade he had clearly shown his intentions and feelings toward Sakura.

Thus, Sakura took the only explanation she found. She smiled shyly at him. “Thank you, Sasuke-kun. For not   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   me look bad in front of Ino, but also… for…. I mean… nevermind.”

He frowned at her and said: “I’m off for training.”

She watched him leave. He was a mystery; he had not tried to get even a little closer to her.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As it slowly darkened outside, Sakura stood before the mirror, but this time not to check whether she looked good enough or anything. She just stared at herself in the mirror. Nothing had changed. She still looked like she had before; the only difference was that she was no longer smiling. “Uchiha…. Sakura…” she said quietly to herself. Not long ago she would secretly mouth these two words and be pleased because they would sound so beautiful. Now her new name had a strange feeling to it.
While Sasuke had been training, Sakura had spend her day gathering the rest of her things from home and bringing them to his apartment, unpacking them and trying to make herself comfortable in this new place. She could not imagine to ever be able to feel at home in these sterile rooms.

'Now stop moping already!', inner Sakura screamed. She had been wondering when her inner voice would announce itself again. ‘You did it! You are married to SASUKE, so don’t make a face like you just signed your death sentence! Sasuke asked you and no one else! That means you must be important to him! Everything else will be alright eventually!’

She laughed. Finally a positive thought, the first in days.

The smile disappeared from her face as she heard the door slam shut. Sasuke had returned. She was almost scared. Not of him, but of this night. Wedding night… would he, no, could he be affectionate at all? Although he did not feel anything for her?

She remained in front of the mirror nervously and tried to make herself a little pretty for him. She wanted to please him. As she brushed through her hair, she heard him in the bedroom... maybe he was getting changed.

Then the door opened. Sakura calmly stopped. In the mirror she watched as he approached her and stood behind her, as usual an illegible expression on his face. Sakura simply stared at him. He really looked very, very handsome, with his black eyes and the raven hair, contrasting his pale skin. Back then she had fallen in love with these dark eyes. Then they had been placed on the same team and another feeling had emerged. She had fallen in love with him for a second time, with a boy who appeared cold and distant, but on the inside was warm-hearted and loyal.

What was still remaining from this Sasuke? The fight against his brother had changed him drastically. Beneath his mask of pride even she could not discover his caring side any longer. What was left was only what she had fallen in love with at the very beginning… was that really enough? Would it be enough for her to go through with this?

“Sakura,” he said with that voice of his, sounding so much more mature than he looked. She knew what he wanted. After all, this was the reason why he had married her. She did not react. Even as he embraced her from behind, she just watched him mutely through the mirror. He brushed away her long hair and kissed her neck, but his eyes were open and he was staring into the distance. It was as if he was just completing an uncomfortable, but necessary exercise. Sakura fought back the tears.

She did not know whether he noticed or not, but in any case he stopped suddenly and looked into her eyes. “Sakura, do you really want this? I cannot and will not force you into anything.”

It was too late to back down. She had given him a promise and felt constrained. She had never been able to assist him in battle, but this way she could at least help him to fulfill his dream. “I have just one request, Sasuke-kun,” she said, taking his hand in hers. “Please pretend that you care for me.”

Sasuke nodded and his black hair fell into his face. Sakura gave up staring into the mirror and turned around to face him. She unbuttoned her dress and slid it over her shoulders. He let his gaze wander over her nearly naked body but his eyes showed no reaction. Sakura lifted her arm and with trembling fingers she brushed one lock of his hair behind his ear. He smelled wonderful. She was pretty sure that he hadn’t been training today.

She pulled his shirt over his head and stopped for an instant to admire his bare torso. Sakura knew that he was muscular, but his body showed almost none of it. Sasuke was already nineteen but he seemed almost childlike. He was still missing the male, muscular look which distinguished him from the adult Shinobi. Only his eyes disagreed with his young age and told of how much he had experienced during his few years in this world.

There was a tight feeling in her chest. It was a feeling of… compassion, she decided. He had gone through so much more than she could ever imagine. She couldn’t resent him for having become the person he was now. What she felt at that moment was not love but sympathy. Maybe it would be enough for her to keep her promise.

Shyly she placed her hand against his cheek and kissed him tenderly. Then she took his hand and pulled him towards the bedroom. She couldn't look him in the eyes any longer for fear that he would see the sympathy in her eyes and hate her for it. Her hand moved to turn off the lights and she relaxed when grey twilight filled the room.

She heard the rustle of clothes as he undressed, and she slipped out of her underwear as well. Under different circumstances, she might have been concerned whether she would look good enough for him or not. That was irrelevant now. He did not care about her looks; all he wanted was a child, an heir. He led her to the bed and pressed her into the cushions with a passionless kiss. She was scared... this was what she had thought about all day long. It was about to happen, and she still wasn’t sure whether she really wanted this or not.

(I'm sorry everyone, this part is censored now. FFnet already banned ONE of my stories and I don't want them to ban this one as well. I just want to say that this is not freedom of speech. This is ridiculous, it's based on american standards and I don't see why the rest of the world has to accept these rules. There's nothing wrong with R-rated chapters and this annoys the hell out of me. I uploaded the UNCENSORED chapter to my website sharingan.faith.at, so go and read it THERE! )

While Sasuke took his time in the shower, she watched the stars. Strangely enough, she no longer felt sad. In her head there was just… silence. Even the inner Sakura was silent. She knew she wouldn’t find any sleep tonight.

When Sasuke returned and silently laid back down, Sakura had already gotten dressed into her nightgown. She slipped beneath the covers and the room was filled with silence once again. She stared at the ceiling as she lay there beside the man of her dreams, feeling lonelier than ever. For the first time there was the sickening thought that she had made a huge mistake to marry Sasuke. She was going to be just as lonely as him, even though they officially were a family now.

Chapter 4: You don’t have to be strong

With a horrified scream, Sasuke sat up in his bed, scaring the living daylights out of Sakura. That cry had torn her from sleep and her Shinobi instincts had caused her to immediately reach to her side where there would normally be a kunai holster.

Sasuke was now upright in his bed and had his right hand pressed against the mark on his shoulder. “Sasuke-kun?” Sakura whispered anxiously. He didn't seem to notice her. He doubled over and she could hear him say something, ever-so-softly. “What did you say?” she asked nervously and bent forward in order to hear him.

“Blood...” he whispered, terrified.

“What?!” she cried, thinking that he had hurt himself somehow. She placed her hand on his arm and realized immediately that this was a mistake. Instantly, he backed away and glowered angrily at her. His frightening stare scared her.

Then he exhaled firmly and relaxed. “Why are you here?” he asked quietly.

She tried to laugh, but failed miserably. “We got married yesterday… did you forget that?”

“Ah... I remember now...” he whispered.

“What did you dream about?” she inquired carefully.

He stared into the emptiness of his room. “Itachi,” he replied, “and my bloodstained hands.”

She put her arms around him in a loose embrace of comfort. He remained rigid, though, and it seemed as if he hardly noticed the embrace, let alone drew any comfort from it. Moments later, he shoved her away and disappeared to the bathroom.

Sakura remained in bed, worried. She hadn’t been aware that he still had these dreams about Itachi, and he had always refused to tell anyone about the things that happened during that fight. The only thing she knew was that he had totally changed after killing Itachi, becoming so cold and emotionless. She was worried about him; his hands had trembled so strongly.

***

“It’s cold in here,” was the first thing Sakura’s mother said when she entered the apartment, and it was not clear whether she referred to the temperature or the decor. Her parents had returned one week earlier than expected and had invited themselves over after hearing of their daughter’s abrupt wedding.

“I know”, Sakura said quickly and offered them a seat. She brought them tea and sat down next to them.

Her mother looked around herself curiously. “Where is Sasuke? I wanted to congratulate your husband!”

“He is out on a mission with Naruto, but he might be back soon.” To be honest, Sakura was rather glad that Sasuke wasn’t there to meet her parents. She had seen the hateful look in his eyes when he had visited her at home. If possible she wanted to avoid him meeting her parents.

“Well anyway,” Her mother said; she was not the type to ponder things. “Was it a beautiful wedding? It’s too bad that you guys didn’t wait, we would have loved to be there.”

“Sasuke was in a hurry, it seems,” she said, not even lying. She was endlessly relieved that her parents hadn’t seen their lousy excuse for a wedding. “We didn’t know that you would return sooner than you planned. You're rarely in Konoha, let alone both of you, so we just got married and decided to surprise you. And yes, the wedding was beautiful.” She was a good liar. Not even her mother noticed the sadness in her eyes.

They made the usual small talk for a while longer and Sakura was actually glad to have some company. After one week of marriage, Sasuke was still as cold as ever, and during the daytime she was mostly alone. At the moment there were few missions for her, so most of the time she did not know what to do. Ino was still mad at her since she had won their eternal battle and married Sasuke.

Eventually, the door opened and Sasuke was home. Sakura was surprised, if not scared, since she had not expected him this early. He stared at her parents and she could have sworn that his eyes were filled with pure hatred for a moment. Nevertheless he welcomed her parents briefly, and before any of them could ask questions he grabbed Sakura’s wrist and simply said, “I have to talk to you.” He pulled her to the kitchen roughly and shut the door.

“Sasuke, you’re hurting me!” Sakura hissed, freeing herself from his grip.

“Why are they here?” he spat. Before she could answer, he growled, “Listen, I do not want any strangers in my apartment!”

“They are my parents!” she protested.

He scoffed. “You can see them as much as you want, but I will not be disturbed here in my apartment!”

“What’s wrong with you? I just wanted to…”

“Your fake family happiness is   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   me sick!” he growled. “Play the happy family elsewhere, because if I have to watch you any longer, I’m going to be sick!” Without giving her a chance to reply, he stormed out of the room, passed her parents without a word and hid himself in the bedroom.

Rather disconcerted, Sakura returned to her parents. “Maybe you should go for now. Sasuke is not in a good mood.” Her parents were surprised and her mother seemed especially distrustful. Nevertheless, Sakura saw them out of the apartment and, once they were gone, leaned against the wall exhaustedly.

Why did she take part in all this? She hadn’t understood Sasuke's actions from the beginning. Why did she let him do this to her? She didn't really know the answer herself. She stood before the bedroom and was about to knock when her courage left her and she gave up.

***

After she had waited for about half an hour, and Sasuke had yet to show himself, she risked it. She knocked on the door and entered the bedroom without an invitation. He was lying on the bed with his eyes closed. He did not sleep, though; she knew by the grim expression on his face.

As her gaze wandered over his body, she realized why. He had tied a rather unprofessional bandage around his right upper arm, and she could see blood stains already forming on the white cloth. So that was why he had been in such a bad mood, she thought. He was hurt, and she had not noticed it at all when he had arrived. She felt guilty.

She sat down on the bed next to him. “Sasuke, I didn’t know you were injured. What happened?”

He opened his eyes, irritated. “It’s not a big deal.”

His behaviour, however, suggested something else. She forced him to sit up and untied the makeshift bandage. When she saw the wound, she let out a groan. It was a deep, gaping cut and by just unknotting the bandage she had made it start to bleed once again. She ran to the bathroom to get a towel and pressed it firmly against the gash. “This has to be stitched. You need to see a doctor,” she said seriously.

“I have had much worse injuries,” he argued. “I will NOT see a doctor because of such a stupid thing.”

“There will be an ugly scar if you don’t get it stitched, and besides…”

“Who cares?!” he hissed.

“Let me finish! In addition, you might have problems with it for much longer. Perhaps you will have to call off the next mission. Is that what you want?” Her words did not miss the desired effect.

His body stiffened when he thought about what she had said. “Alright,” he muttered. “Let’s go.”

She grinned triumphantly. “No, I’ll call a doctor. If you move, your wound will bleed too heavily.” She instructed him to continue pressing the towel against the wound and disappeared to the adjoining room in order to call a doctor.

When she returned, sitting back on the bed beside him, he asked her, shocked, “Why are you doing this? I practically threw your parents out of the apartment, and yet you…”

“I don’t want you to hurt, Sasuke,” she replied. “The doctor said he’d be here any minute.”

***

Sasuke twitched when the doctor sprayed something which burned like fire on the wound. Why did he let Sakura persuade him after all? He sat on his bed rather indignant, shirtless, while the doctor prepared everything for the stitching. Just great. Sakura sat beside him and said nothing at all. During the wait she had briefly inquired about how he had gotten that injury.

He had explained the day’s events to her briefly. He had fought a training fight against Naruto to test his abilities, and Naruto had misjudged a stab and cut his arm unintentionally. At least that was the version he had told Sakura. To tell the truth, he was not sure whether Naruto had missed his target intentionally or by mistake. Since his engagement with Sakura, the blonde ninja wasn’t exactly friendly with him.

The doctor returned with a needle in his hand and said simply, “This might hurt a little.”

Sasuke clenched his teeth, when the needle punctured its skin and the wound began to hurt once again. The first stitch was not so bad, and neither was the second one. With time, though, it became rather awful and he clenched his hands into fists in order to hide his pain. He did not want anyone to think of him as weak, especially not his own wife.

In his pain it did not register right away when Sakura took his left hand into hers. He felt the warmth of her hand and squeezed it when another stitch was placed into his bruised skin. In order to suppress a cry, he squeezed her hand strongly, but she said nothing and just smiled at him as if wanting to encourage him. He swore to himself that he would kick Narutos ass for this later.

Eventually, the ordeal was over and the doctor tied a professional bandage around his arm, giving a few good pieces of advice which Sasuke wouldn't adhere to at all anyway. Sakura thanked the doctor dramatically and as he gathered his things into his bag, he just said that he would find his way out on his own.

Sasuke and his wife were still seated on the bed. He noticed that he was still holding her hand and let go, turning away from her a little. Sakura moved closer to him so that her legs were resting on either of his sides, and embraced him from behind, always careful not to touch the injury. “Sasuke…” she whispered into his ear and placed her head on his shoulder. “You know, it’s okay to show feelings or pain from time to time. You don't have to be strong for me.”

He turned around to face her, wanting to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out. Aggrieved, he pressed his forehead against her shoulder, enjoying her caresses as she snuggled her cheek into his black hair and stroked the nape of his neck. I want to, Sakura, but I simply cannot.

She leaned back and let his head rest on her stomach. Her hand remained on his head and he relaxed as she softly stroked him. He could faintly hear her heartbeat and he could feel her breathing in and out. It had a strangely calming effect on him, and for a few moments he allowed himself to relax and feel safe in her arms.

R1dSMjc= · 发表于 2006-11-12 13:12:38

本帖最后由为月冥于 2012-6-25 15:46 编辑

Chapter 5:  A new job

Sakura was lying on the couch reading a book when the door opened. She was surprised to see Sasuke already at home. She jumped up to welcome him. “Sasuke-kun, hi! Is something wrong? You are at home so early…”

He courtly greeted her while slipping out of his shoes and muttered, “I just came back to pack a few things. We’ll leave this evening, I probably won’t be back for a few days.”

“What? Where are you going?”

“I am not allowed to talk about it,” he replied. “It’s an A-ranked mission.” He pushed himself past her and entered the bedroom, where he opened his backpack and searched through his cabinet.

Sakura was taken by surprise. “And you stop along the way to tell me that you have to leave for a few days?”

“I was only informed a few minutes ago myself,” he murmured. It was easy to tell that she was getting at his nerves.

“Why wasn’t I informed about this important mission! I would have come with you!,” she protested.

He stopped his packing to stare at her. “This is not child’s play, Sakura. This mission is dangerous.”

So this was how he saw her. She hadn’t been aware that he thought so little of her. She was about to say something when her glance fell upon something in his open backpack. “What the…?” She reached for the wooden mask shaped like the face of an animal and showed it to her husband. “What does this mean?!”

“What do you think?” he hissed and pulled his shirt over his head.

“You are a member of the ANBU???” she screamed appalled.

He pulled a tight, black shirt out of the cabinet. “Yes.”

She was horrified. The Anbu… she knew enough to know that this was NOT good news. “When did you plan to tell me about this?”

“I don’t know!” he growled impatiently. “Tsunade asked me this morning if I wanted to become a member of the Anbu. Obviously they need my special abilities. Frankly, I didn’t have much time to think about it.” He slipped into the long pants jounin usually wear and sat down on the bed to tie white bandages around his ankles.

“And you just decide something like that without telling me?”

He threw her a derisive glance. “What’s it to you? It’s none of your concern.” Frustrated, she bit her lower lip. He was such a bastard. When he was finished, he pulled a black mask similar to the one Kakashi always wore over his face.

Sakura once again tried to talk some sense into him. “I know that it’s a privilege to become an Anbu, but do you know how dangerous this is? You’re right, these missions are on a whole other level than mine or even your former missions as a jounin. You might get killed.”

“That’s the life of a ninja,” he said simply.

Sullenly, she stared down at the mask which she still held in her hands. It was painted, showing the stylised head of a wolf. A sad smile formed itself on her lips. That fit him. Tsunade must have had a cynical moment.

When he was finished, he rose and approached her. “Listen, I have better things to do than discuss this with you.” He took the mask from her hands and put it back in his backpack.

“Sasuke, I don’t want you to get hurt,” she whispered.

She expected him to ignore her words completely, but after a moment of silence he made up his mind. He pulled down the mask from his face, grabbed her shoulders and kissed her on the lips swiftly. She stared at him, surprised, and he pulled the mask back into its place. “This is what couples do, right?” he said. “You tell me to come back safely, and I kiss you good-bye and tell you not to worry.”

She looked away, hurt. “We’re not in public here. You don’t have to act like a loving husband. In truth you don't give a   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   whether I worry about you or not.”

Instead of agreeing, as she had expected him to, he untied his forehead protector and gave it to her. “Don’t worry about me.” Not bothering to wait for an answer, he turned away from her and walked over to the door to fetch his shoes.

She watched him and muttered sadly, “Come back safely.”

***

Furiously, Sakura hit and kicked the exercise doll. After Sasuke had brought up all these decisions he had made without asking her and had proceeded to call her a worthless ninja, she had needed something to calm herself down, so she had come to the training hall in the ninja academy in order to train and dispell her anger somewhat.

He was right, she could not keep up with him or with Naruto. But she had improved. She had passed her Chuunin exam a while ago and had declared herself as a participant in the upcoming Jounin exam. He did not have the right to call her incompetent. And he definitely didn’t have the right to become a member of the Anbu and put his life in danger. Not now that they were married. He would make her a widow, and even though he treated her this way, she would not be able to bear it if one day his team members came knocking on her door to tell her that Sasuke was dead. The thought was terrifying.

'YOU STUPID SASUKEEEE!!!', her inner voice screamed, while Sakura mauled the doll.

“Sakura?” The voice surprised her and she spun around. Much to her surprise, Kakashi was standing behind her. They had no seen each other for quite some time. “Sakura, is this called training? It looks more like you want to tear the doll apart…”

A little embarassed, she hung the doll back up straight and replied, “I just wanted to let off steam.”

“Haha, just wait until you teach your first pupils,” Kakashi scoffed. “I tell you, THAT is nerve-racking!”

“As nerve-racking as a marriage with Sasuke?” she mumbled. “I doubt that.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Nothing!” she called quickly. She didn’t want anyone to know about this marriage.

“Sakura, you don’t need to have secrets! We’ll soon be colleagues, right?” He put a hand onto her shoulder. “So what’s bothering you? Are there any problems with Sasuke? There are some nasty rumors…” He bent down to her, his cheeks tainted in a faint red, and waited for her reply. Probably he hoped to hear intimate details about their   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   -life. Pervert. He had no idea just how poor that   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   -life was, too.

“Kakashi-sensei!” she shoved his hand away. “There is nothing to tell….” Click! “Wait a minute! Colleagues? We’re going to be Colleagues? WHAT?” she asked wide-eyed.

He nodded. “I already learned the news, although no one else knows yet. No need to act surprised. I know you’re going to start teaching at the academy in a few weeks.”

Her head felt dizzy. “I… will… what?!?”

Slowly it dawned on him, that her surprise hadn’t been an act after all. “Hm? Tsunade told me… Sasuke talked to her recently, he said that you no longer wanted to work as a ninja, because there’s a chance you’ll be pregnant soon….”

He grabbed her quickly, because otherwise she would have fainted. She lay in his arms and murmured: “He… did… WHAT??! Oh my god, I’m gonna be sick…”

“Sakura?! Hello?”, Kakashi called.

She tried to calm down to some extent and got back to her feet with his help. “I’m sorry, I’m okay,” she murmured. Kakashi had an unnaturally serious expression on his face and she quickly added, “I guess he wanted to surprise me. We have been talking about this but I wasn’t entirely sure… ehehe…”

Kakashi must have noticed her forced smile, and also that inner Sakura was about to explode. “Well, whatever the case… I’ll leave you to your training. We’ll meet some other time... Ja, byebye!” With that, he withdrew in a cloud of smoke.

Sakura had to hold on to herself so she wouldn’t start to scream. How could Sasuke DARE to decide this behind her back? Husband or not, he had absolutely no right to do that! For the first time since the marriage, she was fuming. She was so angry, she would have loved to tear his head off.

'So this is how it is, huh? If he joins the Anbu, it’s his business! But he secretly talks to Tsunade and make you work in the academy! He has gone too far! HOW DARE HE?! As soon as he returns, we’ll take care of this!', her inner voice rampaged.

With a wild cry, Sakura spun around and kicked the doll so hard that its head tore off and shot in a high arc through the hall. She was feeling a little better as she stomped out of the exercise hall.

Chapter 6: Friends

Amused, Sakura observed as Naruto slurped down his third bowl of ramen. When he noticed her grin and looked at her questioningly, she said, “You're eating even more than usual today. Had a hard day?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Life isn’t easy as a Jounin,” he explained. “We had to escort a group of guys… every time we lost sight of them, they did something stupid. And they really were in danger… it’s a miracle that we brought them back safely…” He placed the bowl on the table and sighed contently. “Ahh… I feel better now. I didn’t have time to eat anything good while I was on that mission.”

“Did you know that Sasuke is now a member of the Anbu?”, Sakura asked casually.

“Really?” Naruto was not as surprised as she had been. “Wow. He has come really far…”

Bitterly, she said, “It may be an honor, but I am worried about him. The anbu missions are dangerous. He left today and will be gone for a few days.”

“I see…” Naruto muttered. Then a wide grin appeared on his face. “Anosa, anosa! I have a great idea! Why don’t we invite a few people over to my place? I mean, we never got to celebrate your wedding! How…umm… how about tomorrow? Then you won’t have to be alone in the evening!”

At first she wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea, but Naruto was already   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   plans and counting out the people who were in Konoha at the moment. Eventually, she agreed to come. She waved him good-bye and promised she'd attend. On her way back home she pondered that maybe Naruto was right. It didn’t do her good to be alone.

***

When she arrived at Naruto’s apartment around eight, loud voices were already coming from inside. She pushed open the door and threw a shy “Hello” into the room. Naruto had invited a lot of people; she hadn’t been aware that so many of them were currently in Konoha. Sitting with him at the table were Ino, Shikamaru, Hinata, Choji and some other people Sakura had seen during the exam but didn’t remember their names. Later even Lee showed up.

Ino had brought along a bottle of sparkling wine and generously filled Sakura’s glass with it. “We have to celebrate your wedding, right?”, she had said, with a bit of jealousy flowing in her tone of voice. “To the happy couple! Even though the husband is missing today!”

Sakura grinned weakly.

Over the evening she drank a few glasses without considering that she wasn’t used to alcohol at all. At around midnight, while the others were still sitting at the table talking to each other happily, Sakura was drunk from that sparkling wine. She had hardly eaten anything because she was still so angry at Sasuke.

Her head was dizzy, but in a pleasant way. It was great not having to think about Sasuke, and if she thought about him nevertheless, she just laughed a little. It was like freedom. She didn’t care about anhything; there was simply this wonderful dizzyness in her head.

Naruto noticed her condition with time and tried to make her lie down for a while in his bed. Sakura obeyed and he left her alone. For a while, she stared at the ceiling with so many thoughts running through her head.  Thoughts she usually would have worried about but which only made her laugh stupidly in her current state.

When Naruto returned to check on her, she asked him, “Naruto? Do you love Hinata?”

He was a bit taken aback by the question, but he replied, “Well, I like her a lot.”

She laughed at that reply and sat up. She threw her arms around his neck loosely so she wouldn’t fall over. “You know, I love Sasuke.” She giggled. “Or that’s what I thought. Do you know why he married me? To restore his clan! Isn’t that funny? He wants me to have his children, because that’s all I’m good for! I am not a good Shinobi, so why should I take the Jounin exam? Heeheehee.” She was still laughing, although she did not feel like it any more.

He tried to make her lie down, but she did not feel like sleeping. “Sakura-chan, you’re drunk. Just try to sleep.”

“I’m not drunk!” she protested, although she knew he was right. “I never drink.”

“Mh. Well you sure chose the very best moment to start," he muttered.

She finally gave in and laid back down. He pulled the covers over her and returned to the others after   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   sure she was feeling well enough to be left alone. As soon as he was gone though, she threw the covers off her and went over to the door and out on the balcony. Fresh night air blew into her face. She bent herself over the banister and stared down to the ground. She was three stories above the ground. She sat down on the broad wood of the banister, so that her legs were dangling above the ground. “It’s a pity that we don’t have a balcony,” she said to herself.

“Sakura?”, she heard someone say from within the room. It was Ino. When she saw her friend sitting there, she yelled, “Are you insane? Do you want to fall over?” She grabbed Sakura by the hand and tried to drag her back onto the balcony.

“Let go!” Sakura protested. “I’m not stupid enough to lose my balance here.”

“If you were sober, I might believe you,” Ino murmured darkly. She didn’t let go of Sakura’s wrist, but made no further attempts to pull her off the banister.

A few moments of silence passed, then Sakura asked uncertainly, “Ino? Are you… are you happy with your life?”

“What kind of a question is that?”, Ino scoffed. When Sakura didn’t reply, Ino inhaled deeply and said, “Well… not always of course, but mostly yes, I’m happy. I mean, I will never forgive you for stealing away Sasuke, but I think I’m okay with things the way they are. What about you? Are you happy with him?” There was only a slight hint of jealousy to her voice. Maybe she had indeed forgiven Sakura.

“Of course," she lied. After a moment of silence though, she said, “Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night screaming. Then he is like a completely different person.  When he looks at me with those eyes, it scares me deeply.” She looked down at the black pavement several meters below her. “Sometimes I wonder…” Ino looked at her expectantly, but she decided not to finish the sentence. “Do you think he would cry for me, if I fall down from here and break my neck?”

“What are you saying, Sakura??”

“Nothing, Ino," she replied tiredly. “It was just a joke.” She turned over and jumped back onto the balcony clumsily. “I guess I should go home. Thank you all for the   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   .” She left the bedroom and passed the others with a polite goodbye. Naruto and Lee offered to escort her home, but she declined. Naruto’s place wasn’t far from home anyway. She muttered another goodbye and left Naruto's apartment.

When she arrived home, she locked the door from the inside and tripped over the first step at the entrance. She didn’t bother to get back up, instead curling up into a ball and falling asleep exhaustedly on the living room floor.

Chapter 7: Confrontation

“Sakura.”

She opened her eyes, and the first thing she saw was a bandage-wrapped ankle.  “Hmm?”  She rubbed her eyes tiredly.  Sleepily, she raised her head to look at who had woken her up.  “Oh… Sasuke…” she mumbled.

He stared down at her blankly.  “Is it comfortable sleeping on the floor?”, he asked, his voice leaving no doubt that his question was meant neither jokingly nor tauntingly.

She sat up and rubbed her buzzing head.  “Yesterday I was just so tired, I guess I fell asleep right here…” she said quickly, but he did not seem interested in her explanations.  She stood up, trying to ignore her headache.  “It’s great that you’re back so soon, Sasuke.  How was your first mission as an Anbu?”

Actually, one glance at him had been sufficient explanation. He didn’t have a scratch on him, and his clothes were even clean. He briefly replied anyway, though.  “Successful.”

Sakura sighed inwardly.  How she hated it when he was like this.  She stole a glance out the window, guessing from the position of the sun that it was around noon.  “Uh, do you already know when you’ll have to leave for your next mission?”

Instead of a reply, he just shook his head no. Something caught his attention then, and he wrinkled his nose.  “Have you been drinking?”, he asked disgustedly.

“Oh.” She lowered her head immediately. “We were celebrating a little and I underestimated the effect of alcohol, I guess.”

“Hn.” He brushed past her and entered the bedroom.

She remembered why she had been so depressed the day before and followed him. “Sasuke, wait a second.  I have to talk to you.”

“Not now. I’m trying to get some rest, okay?”  He removed the bulk of his equipment and uniform and sank on the bed with an exhausted sigh.

“This is important!”, she protested angrily. “I found out that you were talking to Tsunade about me!”  Even this didn’t bring any change to his ever-stoic face.  “Did you tell her to transfer me to the Academy?”

“Yes.”

Sakura had a hard time trying to keep her composure.  “What on earth were you thinking?  How dare you to decide such an important thing without talking to me?!”

He loosened the bandages around his ankles and replied calmly, “Can’t you guess why?  If everything goes as planned, you will soon be pregnant.” He looked her in the eyes. “Do you think I’ll let you work as a ninja while you’re pregnant with an Uchiha heir?”

His calmness made her even angrier. “And what about my feelings?  Don’t I have the right to make my own decisions?”

“Were you planning to go on missions with a large belly?”, he asked dryly.  “Maybe acting as a bodyguard? Well into pregnancy? I bet our clients would be exhilarated.” His biting sarcasm was almost unbearable. “You are my wife now and I have to make sure that you’re safe.”

“I… I understand that!”, she yelled. “But the point is that you cannot decide this without asking me first! I’m not your property, Sasuke! I have my own will and if you dare to make decisions for me again, then…”

“Then what?”  His eyes stared at her dangerously.

Angry tears filled her eyes. She couldn’t hold back any longer. She moved to slap him, but he caught her wrist easily. The worst part about it was the smirk on his lips.  “BASTARD!!”, she cried hysterically, tearing her arm from his grip. Before he could make another stinging remark, she stormed out of the door and left the apartment.

Sakura ran down the stairs and stormed out of the building, angry tears streaming down her cheek because there was nothing she could do but cry.  She was so absorbed in her anger that she wasn’t paying attention to her surroundings and promptly ran into a person who had been about to enter the building.

The impact threw her off balance and she fell backwards, but someone caught her by the upper arms before she could hit the ground. “Now, now, Sakura, are we in a bit of a rush today?”, she heard a teasing voice say as she opened her eyes.

“Kakashi-sensei…” she muttered, quickly wiping the tears from her eyes so he wouldn’t see her crying. “I wasn’t paying attention, I’m sorry.”

“You look troubled, what’s wrong?”

She stared at him hesitantly. Judging by the sparkle in his eye, Sakura could be pretty sure he was smiling beneath that mask. Kakashi was an excellent teacher and an outstanding fighter, but she had never seen him as the type you could talk to about your problems. He didn’t seem so very trustworthy with his trademark copy of Icha Icha Paradise.

He seemed to guess her thoughts and assured her, “You can trust me, I won’t tell anyone. Did you quarrel with Sasuke?” She just nodded in response. “Do you want to tell me about it?” She shook her head no. “Do you want me to bring you back upstairs so you can talk to him?” Once again she shook her head no.

Kakashi sighed. “You women are really difficult. Well, come with me then, you can’t walk around like this.” Sakura just then realized that she hadn’t changed her clothes nor taken a shower since yesterday. She was positive that she was looking hideous right now. Of course, she didn’t know that Kakashi was only referring to her reddened, puffy eyes.

In any case she nodded and followed Kakashi to his apartment.

***

The apartment looked completely different from what she had expected. Somehow she had been sure that Kakashi would surround himself with Ninja equipment or obscene posters from Icha Icha Paradise.  His living room was actually pretty normal though. From what she could see, one would not even know that a powerful Ninja was living there. She didn’t even see a single kunai anywhere.

He disappeared into the kitchen for a moment and brought her a glass of water before taking a seat on the couch next to her. “What happened?”

At first she didn’t want to talk to him, but she desperately needed someone to talk to. So she slowly started, “This thing about me getting transferred to the academy… I didn’t know anything about it. Sasuke decided it without asking me at all.”

She waited for Kakashi to defend Sasuke, but instead he sighed. “I thought so.”  He seemed unnaturally serious; his stern expression did not suit him. “Sakura, may I give you some good intentioned advice?”

“Uh… yeah… sure..” she stammered. She wasn’t sure why he was so serious all of a sudden.

“You should break up with Sasuke as soon as possible.”

Chapter 8: Sasuke’s wounds

“You should break up with Sasuke as soon as possible.”

Sakura could not believe her ears.  “What?”, she cried out.  “Sensei, how can you say something like that?”

“It’s not a joke, Sakura. I really like Sasuke, but at the moment I’m more worried about you.  He is not good for you.”

She couldn’t find anything to say; his strange advice had been too surprising.  “I don’t understand…”

“I am not stupid, Sakura. You haven’t been together with him for long, but you have already changed.  I have been talking to Ino, Naruto and a few others.”

That was quite unexpected too. Kakashi wasn’t the type to worry about others.  In any case, she could imagine what Ino had told him.  “Sensei, what I said to Ino that night was just a joke…”

He ignored her completely. “Don’t try to fool me. I have been watching you and Sasuke isn’t good for you. I wasn’t planning on judging him so quickly, but now I think it’s best if you get out of this as fast as possible. Promise or not, you should leave him.”

“You know about that?”, she muttered.

“He told me.  He doesn’t care how you feel about this. Sasuke thinks only about himself. If you want to make yourself unhappy, that’s your business, but it will end in tragedy if you two keep going like this. Just as it did with Sasuke’s family.” She wanted to hear more about this, but he kept talking. “I should have warned you from the beginning, but I honestly thought you could help him.”

“Help him?  What are you talking about?”

His gaze darkened.  “Sasuke has changed.  He must have been hurt deeply.  He didn’t want to tell us what happened during his fight against Itachi, but there is no doubt that something important DID happen.  Itachi must have said or done something, but we can only guess.  When he asked you to be his wife, I thought maybe he was starting to recover.  I thought you could maybe help him leave all of it behind and forget his past once and for all.”

She would have liked to disagree, but he was right.  She had noticed too how Sasuke had changed after the battle.  And she had not been able to change anything about that.

“Maybe it’s too late for Sasuke. It isn’t too late for you, though. If you stay with him, he will destroy you and you’ll become as cold as him.  If you wait too long, you might already have a child and then it’ll be too late to leave him.  Please, end it now that you’re still able to.”

It was hard to hear all of this. What Kakashi said made sense, but there were things that held her back.  Her promise, for one, but also the old love that still attached her to Sasuke. And her wish to help him.

Kakashi seemed to understand that. “Just think about it, okay?”

All of a sudden, she felt queasy.  To hear this kind of advice from Kakashi was disturbing. “Why are you doing this?”, she asked.

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead – through his mask. “Because I am worried about you, Sakura-chan.”

Sakura blushed deeply and stammered, “I’ll… go for a walk, and maybe I’ll head back home when Sasuke isn’t there… T-Thanks for your help..” She offered him a weak smile and practically fled from him.

When she was gone, Kakashi chuckled softly.  “Cute.”  His expression changed.  “Far too cute for someone like Sasuke.“

***

Even though she knew better, Sakura returned home.  She had hoped that he would have been gone already, but he was lying in bed trying to get some sleep.  Well, he wasn’t going to sleep right now… first she had to talk to him.  Kakashi was right; they couldn’t go on like that.  She positioned herself in front of the bed and said loudly, “Sasuke. We are not done yet.”

He opened his eyes to glare at her.  “What do you want?”, he muttered and sat up.

“I want you to listen to me.”  she replied angrily.  He said nothing, but offered her an expectant stare.  “Sasuke, we can’t go on like this.  Promise or not, I won’t let you interfere with my life like that again.”

He lifted an eyebrow and replied cynically, “We’re married, right?  It’s our life now.  I just wanted to protect you.”

“Yeah, right!”, she yelled.  “There is no us and you know that.  You don’t give a   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   about me.  You didn’t ask me first when you became an Anbu.  I’ll say it once more: I won’t let you do something like that again. Next time I will…”

He tilted his head sideways and asked jeeringly, “You will what?”  His arrogance made her even angrier.  Inner Sakura was already rampaging.

“Next time I will break up with you, do you get that?“, she yelled at him.

She had expected his usual reaction, but he got up from his bed and positioned himself in front of her, staring dangerously into her eyes. Suddenly she felt very small compared to him.  “Save your threats,” he hissed.  “ If you wanted to get divorced, you would have done so a long time ago.“

Her inner voice screamed, ‘That’s it! DON’T PUT UP WITH THIS!’

She swallowed the queasy feeling and stared back at him. “You listen to me now!” she spat, pressing her index finger against his chest. “I am not your property and I demand to be treated with respect.”  It was probably only surprise that made him take a step backwards. She closed the distance between them again and bore her finger into his chest, emphasizing every word. “And for as long as you do not treat me like your wife in EVERY aspect, you will never do something like that again, or I will put in for a divorce that very same day and you may as well marry Ino and have lots of arrogant little Uchiha brats with her!!!!”  She had screamed that last part at the top of her lungs.

The look of surprise quickly faded from his features and he slapped her hand away.  “I won’t let you blackmail me, do you understand?”, he said in a dangerously low tone,   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   it Sakura’s turn to take a step back.  “You knew what you were dealing with. If you have a problem with the way things are, then go back to your parents, but don’t bother me with your ridiculous problems! You’re even stupider than I thought if you really think I am dependent on you in any way.”

That was the last straw.  Sakura hissed a not so lady-like curse word at him which came directly from her inner voice as she aimed a punch at him.  He caught her before she could hit him, just like last time, but this time she didn’t make the mistake of being surprised by that. Instead she raised her knee, targeting his groin… but he was too fast for that too and blocked her knee with his free hand.  He then let go of her abruptly and disappeared from her view only to reappear kneeling in front of her, where he spun around and hit her legs with his.

Sakura fell to the ground, but she wasn’t willing to give up yet.  “Asshole!”, she cried as she attempted to get up.  He pressed her to the ground though, and within an instant he was straddling her hips, pressing her wrists to the ground.  “Let go!”, she yelled, writhing beneath him, but he only shook his head disapprovingly.  She had to accept that it was useless and so she eventually gave up.

Silence filled the room and the only thing that could be heard was their rapid, heavy breathing. Sakura had outdone herself because she had put so much power into her blows, but at least Sasuke was worn out too. The reason might be that he had just returned from an exhausting mission, but still it was a small triumph for her to see that there was a limit to his strength too.

“Have you calmed down?”, he asked coolly and she grimaced.  “Okay, then listen to me. I will not decide things that are none of my business from now on, but in exchange you won’t interfere with my affairs either.” She didn’t reply. “I won’t let you blackmail me. If you want to leave me, okay, I won’t stop you. I never forced you into anything, remember? But I appreciate that you kept your promise.”

“Liar,” she muttered sadly.  Her anger was gone and there was only a depressing sadness left.  She meant nothing to him; he was ready to replace her with someone else if she ever left him. “Please, let go,” she whispered.

But he didn’t. Instead he asked, “What do you expect from me, Sakura?  You knew from the start what you were dealing with.  I can’t and won’t ever feel anything for you.”

“Why did you ask me of all people?”, she asked.  “Why not Ino or any other fangirl?  Is it because I was the only one who was stupid enough to save herself for you?”

His brows furrowed. Sakura snorted. Didn’t he know that? Ino had turned to Shikamaru at the age of 16 and they were still in a weird kind of a relationship which seemed to end every few months just so they could make up and get back together again.  The other Sasuke fangirls had all eventually found a nice boyfriend to return their feelings.  Of course, Sasuke was still the most famous boy of the entire village, but his fangirls had grown up and given up on him eventually.  Only Sakura hadn’t managed to let go of her naïve crush on him after all this time.  She had always saved herself for him, hoping that he would eventually change and return her feelings.  At this moment Sakura realized that she probably wasn’t as clever as she had always thought.

“I’m such an idiot,” she said, more to herself than to him.  “I should have gone out at least once with Lee-san, or with Naruto. Then maybe I would know how it feels to be with a man who really likes me.”

Sasuke ignored that, instead saying, “I asked you because you believed in me. Because you were there for me when everyone was gone. That’s why.”

“In other words, because I’m stupid, right?  Because you knew I couldn’t refuse any request from you.  Now let me go, please.”  This time he complied and stood up silently.  Sakura sat up and rubbed her sore wrists.  She felt tired.  She had lost control of the situation long ago and didn’t know how to deal with it in its current state.

To her relief, Sasuke announced that he was going to train for a while.  He left the house and she felt strangely reliefed.  So they had already reached a state where she was glad whenever he left.  Sakura stood up and walked over to the kitchen.  She hadn’t eaten in about 24 hours.  She opened the fridge but didn’t feel very hungry; when she was in a bad mood, she could never eat anything.  She was about to close the refrigerator, when her gaze fell upon a bottle of wine.  Sasuke had brought it a while ago, and she guessed that it had probably been a present or something.  He never drank any alcohol, so the bottle was still untouched.

Sakura remembered the way she had felt after drinking too much at Naruto’s   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   .  For a while, her problems and sorrows had been so far away and, regardless of the headache afterwards, that feeling had been great.  She picked up the bottle and took a sip. It didn’t taste so very good, but if it promised to make her forget about her worries for a while…

She drank some more. Disgusting. Yet she took another gulp.

When Sasuke returned home in the evening, the bottle was empty.  And Sakura was drunk.

Upon entering the room Sasuke seemed to notice something.  He wrinkled his nose.  As Sakura shakily stood up and wished him a wonderful evening, though, he knew what was going on.  “You’re drunk,” he said with no emotion in his voice.

With a huge grin plastered on her face she draped her arms around his neck.  “Yes I am, Sasuke-kun. How was your daaay?”

He pushed her away.  “Am I going to find you sleeping on the doorstep again tomorrow?”, he asked, slipping out of his shoes.  “Sakura, let go.”

For no apparent reason, she started to laugh, just because she felt like it, and Sasuke disappeared into the kitchen to make himself something   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   to eat.  Meanwhile Sakura spent her time on their bed, trying to find a comfortable position and mumbling incoherently to herself.  It was almost funny.  She was dead drunk and even that hadn’t changed the stoic expression on his face.  Maybe nothing could ever shock or anger him.

When she got tired of waiting she hopped over to the bathroom and tried to even out her hair with clumsy fingers.  Then she completely undressed herself, took a last glance at her grinning self in the mirror and returned to the bedroom.

Sasuke was already seated on the bed undressing himself.  When she entered the room, stark naked, he actually seemed surprised for a moment.  Then his face darkened and he asked “What the hell are you up to?”

Something within her screamed.  Maybe it was her inner voice.  But her head felt dizzy, everything was so easy, so untroubled… She went over to the bed and sat down on his lap.  “What’s the matter, Sasuke-kun?  This is how you wanted me, isn’t it? You want to make some kids, and, well, you can’t if you don’t sleep with me, right? I’m not pregnant yet.  We should push ahead.”  He turned his head away almost disgustedly when she tried to kiss him.  “What’s with your plans, Sasuke-kun?” she taunted. “You wanted to restore the Uchiha clan, didn’t you?”  She didn’t even know herself why she was provoking him like that.  Something warned her that she was going too far, but she ignored it.

He stared at her and said, “You’re right.”

All of a sudden she found herself lying backwards on her bed, her arms pressed into the cushion over her head.  His eyes stared at her coolly.  His hand grabbed her left breast while he was still holding her in place with his other hand.

Sakura had accomplished what she had wanted, but now she didn’t feel so good any more. In a single second her mood turned over and rested heavily on her heart.  “Sasuke, let go,” she whimpered, “I don’t want this.”

“You have to make up your mind,” he murmured into her ear.  It was obvious from the tone of his voice that he was now trying to provoke her just like she had provoked him.  His hand reached down between her legs and she emitted a startled scream.

“Sasuke, stop it!  I don’t want this!”, she cried.  Her voice sounded weak and shaky.  He didn’t stop.  And Sakura gave up protesting.  She didn’t resist when he let go of her wrists eventually, instead she lay there impassively and stared out of the window.  The stars were beautiful tonight.

While he nudged her legs apart, she tried to find a reason why she loved Sasuke for every star out there.  His eyes; his black hair; his strength; his loyalty; his coolness; his kindness, hidden under all the hatred; his friendship; the scared kid he is.

When she tore her gaze away from the stars to look at him, to look at the way he was laying on top of her, sleeping with her without looking into her eyes, she noticed that his eyes were still beautiful.  And that he was still handsome.  But everything else she had loved about him was gone.  She could no longer look at his handsome face without thinking of all the pain he had caused her.  Her gaze travelled back to the window where the stars were still sparkling.  Slowly, she realized that she had started to hate Sasuke.

Chapter 9: Endless

Weeks passed by without any change. Sakura had accepted her fate and started teaching at the academy without further protest. Usually in the mornings she was now away with her pupils or teaching the youngest in class. Sasuke was at home irregularly, he was called out on missions unpredictably, sometimes he’d be at home for days and then he’d be sent away right after returning home.

Sakura had given up trying to get close to her husband or talking to him. He was as distant as ever, always keeping her at a certain distance. When he was home at night and sleeping with her, she always let it happen passively, but she just wouldn’t get pregnant. Sasuke awaited her pregnancy impatiently, but Sakura wasn’t so sure if she wanted to bring a child into this loveless marriage.

Every now and then she met up with Naruto or Ino, but she refused to talk about what was happening at home and her friends were rather helpless. Sometimes someone would tell her how bad she looked, she had lost weight because she couldn’t eat properly any more and even though Sasuke disapproved of it she would get drunk every now and then, just to get away from her problems for a while.

Even though she could not tell anyone, she was heartbroken.

***

Sasuke got up from their bed and picked up his pants to get dressed. He turned around and watched Sakura pull the blanket over her thin body and bury herself beneath it. She had changed, even he could see that. Today, as always, she had just let him do as he pleased and had submitted to his advances like a lifeless puppet. However, at least she wasn’t drunk today.

He went to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water. When his gaze fell upon the mirror, he froze. Hatefully he stared at himself. He knew what he did was wrong. The heart of this girl was breaking and he just accepted it. Just because she had given him a promise years ago. It wasn’t fair. She longed for his love but all he gave her was rejection.

He was using her. Sasuke had noticed the look in her eyes when he had slept with her today. But he needed an heir, or he’d never find peace. Itachi’s death hadn’t brought him peace of mind, but the restoration of the clan would, no, it had to. Even if he had to use Sakura for that, he would fulfill his dream.

Much to his surprise, she was already asleep when he came back to the bedroom. Usually she would lie awake and fall asleep long after him. He hesitated for a moment, then he sat down beside her. She must have been very exhausted. She was lying on her side, her hair covering her face wildly. Her mouth was open slightly, her hand was placed on the cushion. For the first time he really noticed how beautiful she was, despite the changes she had been through. She had gotten a lot thinner and always seemed exhausted. How long had it been since he’d seen her smile?

Sasuke lifted the blanket to lie back down next to her, but she turned around in her sleep until she was lying on her back. He let go of the blanket and just watched her. Watched how her chest would heave regularly, and he felt like he would stay like this and watch her sleeping forever. He realized that he was the only one responsible for her current state. He should have been protecting her. Maybe... maybe it was indeed better if she left him.

***

Insecurely, Sakura walked over to the window. She had felt bad for the entire day, she hadn’t been able to eat a single bite. She’d only been drinking one glass of sake, but still her head was dizzy. She felt sick. Sasuke was at home, preparing himself for another mission and getting his things packed. She had planned to act normal until he left but she felt too sick and too tired to act sober right now.

To fight down the nausea, she opened the window and leaned out to inhale some fresh air. It didn’t help much but she sat down on the window sill anyway, holding on to the windowframe with one hand.

„In your state you’ll fall out of the window,“ Sasuke said calmly and she turned her head to look at him. There was no worry in his voice. He was holding his backpack in one hand and stared at her, awaiting an answer. Today he was wearing the regular anbu uniform.

Hoarsely, she retorted: „Why do you mind? You wouldn’t even care if I was lying dead down there on the street.“

„You’re annoying, Sakura,“ he replied darkly. These words hit a vulnerable spot. He had said it twice and today it hurt just as much as it had back then, maybe even more.

„Why did you marry me?“, she yelled. „If I annoy you so much, why did you ask me to be your wife? You can’t bring kids into this marriage! Don’t you have a conscience?“

He threw her an indifferent glance and sat down on the steps to get his shoes. „Sasuke! WAIT!“ Sasuke didn’t plan to let him go like that, not without getting an answer first. She jumped off the window sill and when her feet touched the ground her ankle twisted and she fell face-down to the ground. Tears filled her eyes. Why did everything go wrong in her life? Her ankle hurt, a lot. She wanted to stand up when Sasuke was suddenly standing in front of her. It was too much for her. She didn’t want him to see her like that. She was drunk and miserable, she couldn’t even get up on her own.

„Sasuke...,“ she sobbed and grabbed the fabric of his black pants. Tears were streaming down her face when she looked up to him. „Help me...“ She didn’t just want him to help her get up. She was asking him for help, to find out of this misery. Basically, she just wanted to feel the warmth of his hand and maybe be embraced by him just once.

He stared down on her, with nothing but coldness in his eyes. And then he said: „Pathetic.“ Her eyes widened. Something inside of her broke at that moment. Sasuke tore his pants from her grasp and left her there like that. She heard the door slam shut and then he was gone. Sakura wrapped her arms around herself, curled up and cried silently.

This was the worst moment of her life. She had humiliated herself in front of Sasuke and he had rejected her mercilessly. Finally, it was too much for her to bear. „I can’t take it any more...,“ she whimpered. For what seemed like an eternity she just lay there on the floor and felt just like what he had called her... pathetic.

Then she heard the door open and someone gently cradled her into his arms. „Sasuke?“, she whispered, although she already knew it couldn’t be him.

„No, it’s me,“ came Kakashi’s reply. „Sakura, you can’t go on like this. I’ll get you away from here so you can recover.“ She wanted to protest but found herself too exhausted to do so. For the first time in weeks she felt the warmth of another person, someone who cared for her. She placed her head against his chest and closed her eyes.

She felt dizzy when he lifted her up and started to walk, but she didn’t say a word. Like a child, Kakashi carried her in his arms and after a while she was placed on a cozy bed. „Try to sleep. We’ll talk about it tomorrow,“ he said and she just did as she was told. Exhaustedly she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Chapter 10: Truth

The sun was again – or still – shining high above in the sky when Sakura woke up in an unfamiliar room. She was still wearing her pajamas which she’d been wearing yesterday. Her left ankle hurt when she got up from the bed, but her headache was even worse. She opened the door and was greeted with a cheerful: „Good morning, Sakura-chan! You slept like forever!“

„Kakashi-sensei...“

„Don’t call me that. I’m not your teacher any more. Just call me Kakashi,“ he scolded her with a smile beneath his mask. But she didn’t have the nerve to discuss that. Her gaze fell upon the couch where she saw a blanket and a pillow. So he had left the bed to her and slept on the couch. She smiled slightly. How nice of him...

She sat down on a chair and he brought her a glass of water. It helped somewhat against her headache and the awful sickness. He took a seat opposite of her and said nothing. Sakura felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. He had seen her in such an embarassing, pitiful state. „I’m sorry...,“ she muttered.

„For what?“

„I must’ve looked quite pathetic yesterday,“ she explained depressedly. „I was really relieved that you were there. Oh... why were you there anyway?“

„Actually I wanted to talk to Sasuke about some mission. He came out of the house and told me to take a look at you.“ Once again he looked unnaturally serious. „Sakura, do you finally realize that I was right? You have to leave him. He will destroy you.“

She shook her head, but she couldn’t bring herself to say something. She wanted to disagree with his words, but she couldn’t. Because he was right. She was already at the verge of hating Sasuke.

Kakashi sighed and got up. „Come with me.“

Sakura stared at him. „What?“

„Just follow me. I want to show you something.“ Obediantly she followed him and he led her to the bathroom. There he grabbed her shoulders and placed her in front of a mirror. Sakura could not look at herself. She looked awful. Kakashi said seriously: „Look at yourself, Sakura. You used to be so pretty. Your smile was so beautiful. What happened to that smile? You’re too thin, your eyes are always red from crying and your skin is pale. Is that what you want?“ He was right, every word was true. She hated herself. Especially that bitter look on her face that reminded her all too much of Sasuke. „Do you remember how you told me that you liked yourself when you were with him? Is that still true, Sakura? Do you still like yourself, the way you became?“

Quickly she shook her head no. „No! I hate that person in the mirror. And I hate... him. What he became.“

„Then why are you still doing this to yourself?“

„I loved him. And a part of that love has remained in my heart. I cannot leave him,“ she said honestly. „I promised to help him. He has always fought for me. And now I fight for him. For his dreams.“

„He will never be happy. As long as he can’t let go of the past, even a family, a new Uchiha clan, cannot help him. Don’t you understand that?“, Kakashi insisted. „If Naruto were here, he’d say the same. Before he left he told me to take care of you.“

That explained why Kakashi was acting so weird lately. Sakura nodded. „I’m not sure myself what I’m going to do. I don’t want to go to my parents. Would it be a problem if I stayed here for a while? Just until I feel better and able to make a decision.“

„Of course not. Stay as long as you want to.“

***

Sakura didn’t regret her decision to stay with Kakashi. Not having to see Sasuke and suffer from his cold eyes did her good. Most of the time Kakashi wasn’t at home, but when he was, he talked to her, it was like he really cared about what she had to say. At least he didn’t look right through her, like her own husband did.

There was no alcohol in the household. At first she was tempted to go out and buy some, but then she remembered why she was at this place. She didn’t want to end like that again. She never wanted to let Sasuke humiliated her again. She vowed to never touch any alcohol again. No matter how painful it was, she had to go on without it.

After some days she even resumed eating. Living with Kakashi was so relaxing that her stomach calmed down and she gained some weight. In the meantime, Naruto had returned to the village and offered her to stay with him, which she had denied thankfully. He also told her how much better she looked and that he’d been worried about her. It felt good. It felt so good to be seen by someone, to have someone who cared.

Of course she couldn’t stay with Kakashi forever. And she couldn’t stay with Naruto either, his apartment was even smaller. Under no circumstances she wanted to go to her parents. And going back home, back to Sasuke… that was a different topic. Sasuke didn’t show up during the first few days. It wasn’t like he wasn’t there… he had returned from his mission after two days. But he didn’t seem to care. Sakura was glad that she didn’t have to see him. But it was also hurtful that he didn’t miss her or try to get her back.

Then, eight days after Kakashi had pulled her out of her misery, Sasuke was standing in front of Kakashi’s door in the evening. Kakashi opened up and when Sakura heard her husband’s voice, she froze in place, hiding in the kitchen before he could see her. She tried to stay calm and listened to the two men talking.

“I know she’s here,” Sasuke said impatiently. “I want to talk to her!”

“Yeah but Sakura doesn’t want to talk to you,” Kakashi replied and Sakura could vividly imagine his arrogant grin beneath the mask. Hopefully it made Sasuke really angry. He should get a taste of his own medicine.

“Save it, Kakashi,” Sasuke growled. “I want to talk to my wife, so get out of my way or bring her here.”

Sakura was still standing motionlessly in the kitchen, unsure of what to do. On one hand she wanted to hear him out. But on the other hand she was also scared to face him once again. If she liked to admit it or not, Sasuke still had great influence on her. While she was still thinking of what to do, she heard Kakashi say: “You should leave Sakura alone for a while.”

“Keep your advices for yourself, old man,” Sasuke hissed. Then he obviously gave messing with Kakashi a second thought and he barked: “Then tell my wife to   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   ing let me know when I’m allowed to bother her again.” Sakura could imagine him spinning around wordlessly and marching away. As if to verify her theory, Kakashi closed the door. Sasuke was gone.

And now Sakura ran out of the kitchen into the living room. She should have come out and talked to Sasuke. “Sasuke!”, she called out half-heartedly and ran over to the window. All she saw was how he disappeared behind the corner. It was raining outside. Most likely he was already soaking wet. Kakashi approached her and she asked concernedly: “Did I do the right thing? I should have talked to him.”

“If he wants to talk to you he can come to the academy too,” Kakashi shrugged. “Although I guess his pride will keep him from that.”

“True,” she murmured and placed her fingertips on the cool windowglass. “It must have cost him a lot to come here.” She leaned her head against the window. “I don’t understand myself any more. I despise him but at the same time I think I still love him… what should I do?”

…tbc…

7 · 发表于 2006-11-12 15:15:50

上帝……为我的英文默哀3秒钟hou06
突然……眼花了hou58

幽9 · 发表于 2006-11-12 16:17:25

其实英文版同人文或者同志文看起来会用另外一种感觉
对断臂山的原版小说仍然记忆忧新啊

R1dSMjc= · 发表于 2006-11-12 16:41:31

本帖最后由为月冥于 2012-6-25 15:49 编辑

Chapter 11: Unfaithful

After Sasuke had left, Sakura decided to go for a walk and perhaps try to distract herself from thinking about her husband. She didn’t mind the rain, though she borrowed a coat from Kakashi and left his house anyway; she just needed a few minutes alone to make up her mind.

It would be best if she came to a decision before Sasuke could catch her alone. She knew she couldn’t stay at Kakashi’s place forever. This whole situation had to be resolved soon. So, as Sakura walked through the village aimlessly, eventually she passed the main entrance and left Konoha. She didn’t plan on going far, but she wanted to make sure she wouldn’t be disturbed. Perhaps if she hadn’t been so deep in thought, she might have noticed someone was following her, but she was too lost in her ponderings to notice. It was none other than Sasuke.

She approached the river that ran near the village. The bank along the river was steep and mostly covered with large trees or bushes that blocked any entrance to the waters below. However, Sakura found a place where she could look down to the water anyway.

Lost in thoughts she picked up a stone and threw it into the water. The rain had grown stronger but she didn’t care. She was worried and confused about the recent happenings. So many conflicting emotions were running through her head. She was angry at Sasuke, but even more so at herself. She had known what to expect when she had agreed to marry him. He had never lied to her or pretended to be a loving husband or even like her in any way. She was angry at herself for still having these feelings for him and for still wanting to help him.

With a yell she threw another stone into the shallow water. “You idiot, Sasuke!” she yelled into the night, her voice echoing back at her. “You emotionless, stupid idiot!”  Still the woman didn’t notice that he was watching her from only a few hundred meters away. Blinded by anger she pulled her wedding ring from her finger and squeezed it in her fist. “Why did I marry you? Why did you propose for me if you didn’t love me? WHY?!” She raised her arm, prepared to throw the small object into the water. She had only married him because of her promise. He had tricked her from the very beginning. She didn’t have to put up with this any longer. She wouldn’t. Kakashi was right.

But Sakura didn’t finish the movement. Her courage left her and she dropped her hand to her side. Staring down at the unimposing ring in her hand the kunoichi sighed. “But…… you still mean a lot to me, Sasuke,” she whispered, in a barely audible way.

However, as she attempted to put the ring back on, somehow it slipped through her wet fingers and fell into the mud. Sakura cried out and jumped after the metal band without giving it a second thought. This ring was precious. It was a symbol of what still connected her and Sasuke. She couldn’t, wouldn’t lose it. Not yet. Her feet slipped on the muddy ground and she fell down the riverbank right into the cold water.

With an angry scream she stood back up and waded back to the bank. She tried to step out of the water but the mud was too slippery and she immediately fell back.

The person hiding in the shadows attempted to come over to help her when suddenly someone else appeared from the darkness. “Hello? Is anyone there? I’ve heard someone screaming and…”

“Kakashi?” she yelled in relief. “Help me… I can’t get back up there!”

“There you are, Sakura!” she heard him say. He climbed the steep bank swiftly, placed his arm around her waist and pulled her out of the water. Sasuke was still watching the two of them. He had wanted to help his wife, but now Kakashi was there. Sasuke remained silent, watching the two from where he hid.

“Kakashi,” Sakura exclaimed, “I’m so…. so glad you’re here. My… my fingers feel like ice from that damned cold water.”

“I was looking for you,” he confessed. “I thought maybe you met Sasuke and you two were fighting again. But… what the hell are you doing here?”

“My god, the ring!”, she screamed and attempted to jump back into the mud to look for it. “I lost my wedding ring! I have to…”

“Sakura!”, Kakashi said sternly. “Not now, you won’t find it in this darkness. We’ll come look for it tomorrow, okay?”

“But what if it gets carried away by the water?”, she protested. “I have to find it!”

His eyes changed. Suddenly he almost looked at her with sympathy. “Be reasonable, Sakura. I promise you’ll get it back. Tomorrow. Come on, I’ll bring you home.” He stepped forward but Sakura didn’t move. “Sakura? What’s wrong?”

“I-I don’t… know… what should I do?” She wiped her face in frustration when the tears fell freely. She wasn’t used to cry any more. But what surprised her even more was Kakashi who pulled her into a tight embrace. He was not the type to comfort crying girls.

For a few minutes they just stood there and Sakura cried, while Kakashi waited patiently for her to calm down somewhat. Eventually she let go and took a step back. He was covered in mud wherever she had touched him. Sakura muttered, “I’m sorry… I got you all dirty.”

He inspected his dirty clothes and with a masked grin he looked back at her. He chuckled softly. “Don’t kill me now, but this really does remind me of a chapter of Icha Icha Paradise.” He laughed beneath his mask and somehow, it was contagious. At first she grinned, then she joined in and they both laughed there together in the darkness. It felt so good to laugh so hard that tears were streaming down her face.

When she had finally regained her composure, Kakashi took her hand and said, “It’s getting cold. Let’s go home.”

Not far away, hidden behind the trees, there was Sasuke who had observed the whole scene. He’d wanted to talk to her but after Kakashi had showed up his courage had left him. When they were both out of sight he went over to where they had stood and - much more skillful than Kakashi or Sakura – he climbed down in search of the ring.

Back at the apartment Kakashi and Sakura were seated on the couch. After a hot shower, Sakura was finally warming up and feeling clean once again. Kakashi had taken a shower as well and just returned. His hair was still wet and she realized why his silver hair always seemed a little messy. Obviously he didn’t even use a comb. She had to suppress a grin when she looked at him without his forehead protector but still wearing that mask.

Immediately he noticed her amusement. “I’m glad to see you smile.”

“That’s thanks to you. You made me laugh out there and it felt so good… I haven’t had such a good laugh in what seems like an eternity.”

This brought them back to the topic she had been trying to avoid -- Sasuke. Now serious, once again Kakashi inquired, “Have you thought about what you’re going to do about Sasuke?”

She shook her head no. It was good to have someone to talk to, but in the end, she was the one who had to make this decision.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Kakashi said, breaking the silence, and she stared at him in awe.

“Kakashi….”

Was it just her or was he sitting a little closer to her all of a sudden? “Don’t torment yourself any more. He won’t change. There are men who’d treat you a lot better if only given the chance.” She had never heard him say such nice and caring things. Something about his eyes made her shiver. For the first time in months she felt… wanted. Desired.

He looked into her eyes and without thinking she raised her arm and placed two fingers on his mask. “May I…?”, she asked softly and he just nodded. Slowly she pulled down the mask and for the first time she could see her former teacher’s face. She swallowed. He was handsome, very much so. His face was as beautiful as Sasuke’s, only that he didn’t have the same bitter look, instead a grin was playing on his lips. It was strange, but with this impish grin, he looked almost younger than Sasuke. It was almost as if he was the teenager, and Sasuke was the adult who had gone through so much in his life.

Her heart was beating so fast as she eyed him and then he leaned forward until their faces were only inches apart and she could feel the warmth of his breath on her lips. He placed a strong hand on her cheek and kissed her tenderly. And she let him. This kiss was so different from Sasuke’s kisses. It was careful and tender and yet filled with passion and desire. It was incredible. So this was how a real kiss felt. His fingers played with her long hair and there was only affection in his caress.

“Sakura!!” The door was pushed open and then Sasuke was standing in the room. And before his eyes, he saw his ex-teacher was kissing his wife. Abruptly they broke apart, but he had seen it.

Sakura stared at him with wide eyes. “Sasuke… kun…”, she stammered. What was he doing here? How…?

“Sasuke,” Kakashi said calmly, “I just wanted…”

“Believe me, I know very well what you wanted,” Sasuke said icily. He grabbed Sakura by the wrist. “Excuse us. I need to talk to my wife.” He pulled her onto her feet roughly.

Sakura was too surprised to resist and just followed him when he pulled her out of Kakashi’s apartment. “Sasuke-kun, this kiss, it meant nothing, I just…”

He turned his head to throw her an icy glanceas he puller her along. “I don’t care.”

Immediately she fell silent. Of course. He didn’t care about what she did, even when she kissed someone else. He never cared, right? But then why was he so angry?

Without letting go of her he dragged her to his apartment and he didn’t release her until he had closed the door behind them. The girl rubbed her wrist and gathered her courage to look at him. She was almost curious as to what he was going to do now.

Chapter 12: Don’t Go

Sasuke was at a loss for words. He hadn’t thought about what to say when he had burst into Kakashi’s apartment. When he had seen his former sensei kissing his wife, all he had wanted was to get her out of there. After all, she was still his wife.

He looked at her. She was standing against the wall with a defiant expression on her face, daring him to say something. Sasuke cleared his throat and calmly spoke, “I saw you crying in the woods. Are you that unhappy with me?”

“N-no!” she stammered, obviously surprised by his question. “I don’t know… it’s hard to answer this, Sasuke.”

“You were smiling at him,” he said abruptly.

“What?”

“Ever since we were married, you haven’t smiled like that, Sakura.” She stared at him in surprise, but didn’t say anything. Sasuke hadn’t realized it until he had spoken those words out loud. With his cold demeanor Sasuke had destroyed her smile. Somehow that thought saddened him. He reached out to brush some strands of her pink tresses from her face. “I liked your smile,” he said honestly and her eyes widened. He pulled back his hand. “I realized that when I saw you with him. He made you smile and he made you laugh. All I ever did was make you cry. I realized that I was not good for you.”

Finally she managed to speak. “What… what are you saying, Sasuke?”

He had thought about it for a long time, and actually had decided otherwise. But now the words just flew out from his lips and he couldn’t stop himself. “You’re free, Sakura. I’ll leave the village so you can be happy again.”

“S-Sasuke, no…”

He shrugged as if it were nothing to him. “I tricked you into this marriage. I asked impossible things of you and yet you kept your promise. I appreciate that, but what I did wasn’t right. I was using you from the very beginning. I want to make it up to you. Stay in the apartment for as long as you want. I won’t come back for a while.” He turned around, facing the door.

As he reached for the doorknob, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed herself against him from behind. “Wait, Sasuke-kun,” she said and rested her cheek between his shoulder blades. He could feel the warmth of her breath caressing the back of his neck. “I’ve made peace with the fact that you don’t love me. But I still do, even though I don’t know why. You just proved to me, that I was right about you. You have a good heart. I want to stay with you. I want to fulfill your dreams.”

For the first time in an eternity something touched his heart. He felt unshed tears burning in his eyes and his hands were trembling. He longed to take her into his arms. Finally, he understood how she felt. Perhaps in time, he’d be able to return these feelings. He bowed his head and whispered, “Thank you, Sakura.”

She softly placed a kiss at the base of his neck and then released her embrace. “I want to move in with you again, Sasuke.” When he turned around, she was smiling. It was a beautiful sight and it was only for him.

Something came to his mind and he reached into his pocket. “Uh, Sakura…” He wiped it off on his pants and handed it to her. Sakura stared at the item, stunned.

“My wedding ring! Where did you find it?”, she exclaimed.

He avoided her gaze. He hadn’t planned to confess that he had climbed down to the river embankment to search for the ring. Glancing over his disheveled appearance and dirt caked sandals, it was easy to guess that he had sifted through the mud to locate the missing gold band. “Uhm… you have it back, that’s what you wanted, right?”, he mumbled.

She put the ring back on. “Thank you very much, Sasuke-kun.” Before the silence could get uncomfortable, Sakura added, “I suppose I should call Kakashi and tell him not to worry.” He watched her silently as she went over to the telephone.

He was well aware that she no longer called Kakashi “sensei”. Sasuke hated the fact that she allowed him to kiss her. There was a stinging pain in his chest, an emotion he could not quite place yet. In any case he decided to keep Sakura away from Kakashi from now on. After all, adultery wasn’t part of his plan. The plan… Sasuke shook his head. He had almost ruined his own plan. What was he thinking? Since when was something as useless as “her smile” more important to him than his own future?

Annoyed he retreated into their bedroom and undressed, while Sakura called that man. Sasuke wasn’t sure why he suddenly disliked Kakashi so much, but he didn’t take it as a good sign. He wouldn’t get too attached to Sakura either. It was dangerous. When she finally came back, he suppressed the urge to ask what had taken her so long.

Sakura changed into her nightgown and crawled under the sheets, snuggling into the warmth of her husband. When she was comfortable, she reached for his hand and entwined her fingers with his. He resisted the urge to pull away. “I’m so sorry that I kissed him,” she whispered, “It wasn’t about him. I was just… looking for…” she paused, choosing her words carefully, “Warmth. Compassion. Something tangible, you rarely showed me.”

“Hn.” He squeezed her hand slightly while his other hand reached for the ring he always wore on a necklace. Sakura was much stronger than he’d thought. But nevertheless, it had been a mistake to stay. She wouldn’t be able to bear with this forever. His wish to rebuild the clan was stronger than the faint awareness that he’d made her unhappy.

O

It was dark and at first he was unaware where he was. His own scream was still ringing in his ears and he doubled over. He felt the blanket beneath his fingers and he inhaled the familiar scent of fresh linen. He was at home, in his bed. Safe. It had been just a dream, the recurring nighmare that tormented him every single evening.

The lights were switched on and he closed his eyes tightly. “Sasuke-kun? Are you alright?”, he heard her say. Sakura. He had completely forgotten about her. She was here. She was still here. She came closer and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Like a wounded animal he flinched and hissed “Don’t touch me!”

Startled, she pulled back and stared at him wide-eyed. He breathed in and out a few times, until he had somewhat calmed down. But he still wasn’t able to get rid of those images from the dream. The darkness and those voices, which kept telling him that he was a murderer and that it was his entire fault.

Sasuke turned his head to look at her. She was here. She was alive. She was oblivious of the pain he was in. She didn’t know what he was going through. How could she? And yet he despised her at that moment for everything she had and for everything that he had been refused; for her ignorance, her innocence, her purity. She had never witnessed the murder of a loved one. How could she try to understand what he was going through? She couldn’t.

“What’s wrong with you, Sasuke?”, she asked sadly. “You wake up screaming almost every night and then you always look at me like that… what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” he said calmly. Nothing you could even remotely understand. He pushed away the blanket and got up. Angrily he slammed the door and stood in the living room.

Why was she still here? Why had she stopped him when he’d tried to leave her? He hated her and yet somehow he couldn’t be without her any more. Why was she still there looking at him with those big, green eyes of hers, as if she could find the answers to her questions in his eyes? Why did she have everything when he had nothing? Why were the dreams still haunting him even though he was about to rebuild the clan? WHY?!

In his frustration Sasuke reached for the first thing in arm’s reach, a glass vase, and threw it against the wall with all his strength.  The vase shattered, spraying a mist of glass and water on the floor. He had put so much force into the throw that he stumbled forward and fell to his knees.

He closed his eyes in despair, instantly seeing an image of his brother. Sasuke’s fingers closed around the kunai he kept with him even in sleep and pulled it out of the holster. Was he still alive? He, the only one who had survived the massacre of the Uchiha clan? It seemed like he was unable to feel anything at all.

When the blade of the knife dug deeply into the flesh of his left arm, he suppressed a scream. Blood, Uchiha blood, was dripping from the fresh wound on his arm and onto the carpet. The blood flowing in his veins and the pain was proof of his existence.

Angrily he pulled the kunai out of the gash and threw it across the room. I’m still alive! I’m alive! His fist hit the ground, hard. Then why don’t I feel alive? Why can’t SHE even help me?

O

In the bedroom, Sakura was pressed against the door, where she had listened to his outburst quietly. For what seemed like an eternity, she didn’t dare to leave the room.

When she heard nothing for a long time, she gathered her courage and carefully opened the door. Sasuke was sitting in the middle of the room, staring blankly at the ground with blood running down his arm. She looked around the room. There was a wet spot on the wall where Sasuke had thrown the vase against it.

Sakura felt utterly helpless. She didn’t understand what was wrong with Sasuke. She left the room to get a towel and some bandages. Without saying a word because she was afraid it might enrage him again, she knelt down next to him. He raised his head to look at her blankly. “Forgive me,” he muttered without really meaning it. She wrapped the makeshift bandages around the wound.

“Come back to bed,” she said. “I will not ask any questions.”

He nodded and stood up. She stared at the pieces of broken vase and decided that she would clean that up tomorrow. Sakura followed Sasuke to the bedroom and sat down beside him. He seemed confused, unsettled even. But she was shaken as well. Was he the same man who had told her he liked her smile just a few hours ago? Who had been ready to leave the village for her? Every now and then he allowed her to see how agonizing his existence really was. She saw his pain, his guilt, and his anger; it scared her. It hurt her that she was unable to help him; she couldn’t bear to see him like this. And she didn’t understand.

Was the way he acted normal? Was HE still normal?

As if he had read her thoughts, he looked at her and said, “I didn’t want you to see me like that.” She wasn’t sure if he really meant it or if it was just another empty apology.

Shyly, she placed her hand on his right arm. When he didn’t back away from the light touch, she wrapped her arms around his neck and embraced him. “I wish I could help you somehow, Sasuke-kun,” she whispered. Until just now, she thought that with his words earlier he had saved their relationship. Sakura realized they were breaking apart; it was obvious to her now. With all her heart, she wanted to help him, but she couldn’t.  Sakura feared that over time she’d start to hate him or he would pull her into his personal hell, where there was no happiness, only emptiness. Maybe today was not a new start, but the beginning of the end.

Kakashi was right. Sasuke would never be happy, not even a family would bring him any happiness. Sakura pulled away, but her hands remained loosely on his shoulders. She looked at the man she loved and decided to leave him if things didn’t get better. She tenderly kissed him on the lips and he let it happen without a reaction. For her, at that moment, it was not a way to express her love but more of an apology for not being able to help him.

Sakura attempted to lie back down, but when her hands left his shoulders, he placed an arm around her waist. She gave him a puzzled look, but then gave in once more and leaned against his chest. Why couldn’t it always be like this? She closed her eyes and enjoyed this precious moment of serenity. Even though the room was still illuminated brightly and the thoughts of breaking up with him tormented her, she fell asleep in his arms.

O

“Try to attack me,” Sakura told her pupils and smiled. Five young shinobi in training had gathered around her. They were in their last year at the academy and she had volunteered to practice with them. “I want you to show me what you’ve learned.” She had brought them to the place where Kakashi had held his weird exam with the bells years ago. Of course, Sakura’s pupils were not ready for that yet, but she wanted to see which of them would be able to use what they had learned at the academy in a real fight scenario. She stared at them seriously and said, “Okay, let’s begin. Hide somewhere and try to hit me.”

All of them disappeared into the forest and Sakura remained in the middle of the clearing. She didn’t have to wait for long. A series of shuriken were thrown at her and she closed her eyes to hear where they were coming from. At the very last moment, she dodged them. She could already hear footsteps as one of the kids was running towards her. When the child was close enough, he/she tried to hit her with a kunai. Sakura blocked the attack effortlessly and brought the adolescent out of reach with a light kick. This was just how Sasuke, Naruto and she had reacted back then. They, too, had attacked on their own instead of trying to work as a team.

“If you attack me directly, you have no chance!”, she chastised her students. “I thought I taught you that a good fight needs good tactics. We know that I’m stronger than you. That’s why you need to find an advantage to use against me!” She was hoping they’d understand what she meant.

She sensed someone coming, but this time it was different. She couldn’t tell, where they were coming from. Strange. Was one of her pupils that good at hiding their presence yet? She searched the area, until she noticed movement from the corner of her eye. Someone was standing right behind her. Incredible! This couldn’t be one of her pupils. She spun around, ready to block an attack… and gasped in shock.

Standing solemnly in front of her with his backpack in hand was her husband. “Sasuke!”, she yelled. “God, you scared me!”

“You should take your own advice and take care of your defense. I could have killed you easily.”

She frowned at him. “They’re just kids, there’s no need to be so serious with them yet. So, what do you want? You better get out of the way before they attack you too.”

“I was assigned to an important mission,” he explained. “The leader will be Hyuga Neji.” She nodded, although she wasn’t sure why he was telling her this. “We’re about to leave. The mission is…” He stopped mid-sentence and raised his head, as if he sensed something. Then Sakura heard it too. The sound of shuriken. Sakura attempted to dodge them, but when she looked into his eyes, she realized that while she was with him she had nothing to fear. The shuriken came flying at them and instead of dodging the projectiles; Sasuke raised a hand and caught all three. He stared at where they had come from and said, “You should teach those kids not to mess with an Anbu.” He carelessly threw the shuriken back and a scared shriek came from the hiding place. Before Sakura could start to worry, Sasuke spoke, “Well, if you get the chance, you should release your pupil from the tree.”

“We should talk elsewhere, the kids….”

“I don’t have time for that, Sakura. Just listen to me for a second,” he said and she could tell that it was important to him. “This mission is dangerous. I’ll be gone for some time. If something happens to us, the village might be in danger too. If that happens, I want you to be extremely careful. Never leave the village and stay close to Naruto. He’ll keep you safe until everything’s over.” She wanted to say something but he grabbed her by the shoulders and placed a kiss on her lips. “I just wanted to say goodbye.”

Sakura was at a loss of words, before she could bring herself to say something, two of the kids broke out from the bushes and launched themselves at Sakura and Sasuke. Before they could even come close to the couple, Sasuke created visible chakra around himself. The young shinobi were thrown backwards without having the chance to even touch Sasuke. Sakura realized the gap between herself and her husband. He didn’t even have to avoid an attack. He had indeed become strong and that thought made her feel a little better. Maybe that was the reason why he had come here all along. Perhaps he wanted to show her that there was no reason to worry. He let go of her and she said, “Come back safely.”

“Don’t worry,” he replied and disappeared as quietly as he had arrived.

Still a little shaken, Sakura walked over to her pupils to help them up. “Damn, what was that?!”, one of them hissed.

Sakura smiled proudly. “That was the true power of a shinobi. He’s a Jounin and Uchiha. Maybe it’s good that you saw what someone like him can do. You must never underestimate the enemy.”

“   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   ,” the other one muttered. “We should go and help Mina-chan… she was pinned against a tree with her own shuriken…”

O

His team was already waiting for him when Sasuke returned to the meeting point. “Okay, we’re complete,” Neji said. They were all holding their masks in their hands. “You know what expects us this time.” The others nodded. Neji looked at Sasuke, “Are you ready, too?”

He just nodded. One of his teammates asked, “Have you said goodbye to your wife?”

“Why should I?”, he said defiantly. His private life was none of their business.

“You know very well that this is a suicide mission. Chances are, that some of us are going to die.”

Indifferently, Sasuke put on his mask. “I don’t think we have the time for this. Neji?”

Neji nodded. The others put on their masks as well and Neji, the head of the team, started to move. Sasuke HAD said goodbye to Sakura, just in case. He had warned her, because he knew it would get dangerous for the village if they didn’t succeed in this mission. However, he didn’t plan to get himself killed.

Uchiha Sasuke was not going to see Konoha again for a long time.

Chapter 13: Without a trace

Anbu team leader, Hyuga Neji, was the only one of his five man team to return to the village three days after his team had left. He was in remarkably bad shape. Somehow, he had managed to drag himself to the village’s entrance, despite his heavy injuries. There, he had grabbed the very first inhabitant he had met and told him to get Tsunade as fast as possible.

Despite the bad condition he was in, he kept himself upright and refused to accept help before Tsunade showed up. He reported the details of the mission to her. His team had been ambushed and attacked by almost twenty shinobi. The teammates had been separated from each other and even though Neji had tried everything to find his comrades, he had eventually been forced to return home to inform the Hokage of the dramatic events. There was a chance that there were even more of the enemy, which made them a threat to the entire village.

Neji blamed himself for leaving his teammates behind. After he’d told Tsunade everything he knew, he collapsed right there on the street.

Two days after Neji’s return, the mangled corpse of his fallen comrade was located close to where the fight had originated. The other three Anbu shinobi, including Uchiha Sasuke, had vanished without a trace. Recovery teams were dispatched to find the missing ninjas, but they returned with no further information of the trios’ whereabouts. After two weeks of extensive searching, all hope in finding the three men alive was given up. Sasuke Uchiha and his two teammates were declared dead.

For the better part of the day Sakura had been standing at her window observing the activity on the street in front of her apartment. It had been seven long days since her husband had been declared dead. To Sakura it felt unreal; she couldn’t and wouldn’t accept that. There had never been a corpse or any substantial proof that indicated he was really gone. Sasuke had just… disappeared. He was tough; after all he was the last Uchiha. He wouldn’t allow himself get killed that easily.

She’d been right from the very beginning. It had been a big mistake for her husband to join the Anbu. Sasuke had put himself in danger and if he had really left her, she wouldn’t forgive him until the day she died. Every night Sakura waited by the window for his return. She still hoped that some day he’d just knock at her door and stare at her indifferently, just like he used to do. But he never came.

The other two missing Anbu shinobi hadn’t returned either. Sakura couldn’t understand how this could have happened. She cursed Neji for saving only himself.  What sort of squad leader would behave so selfishly? It was his fault that Sasuke and the others had disappeared. If only Sasuke had come back home instead of him! Neji was still in a coma, but at least he was home alive. Eventually, he’d wake up and get better. What about Sasuke? Where was he? Was he still alive? Maybe being tortured by the enemy, maybe he was slowly bleeding to death somewhere, maybe he was injured or maybe… So many thoughts were running wildly through her head. It was all Neji’s fault!

Sakura felt guilty as well.  She had actually been considering Kakashi’s suggestion to leave Sasuke until she received the news that her husband was missing.  That she had even contemplated her former sensei’s advice made her feel ashamed.  Now, all Sakura wanted was for Sasuke to come home to her.

She felt tired. Since Sasuke’s disappearance she hadn’t been sleeping well or eating right. She kept to herself and refused to talk to her friends. Ino, Naruto and even Kakashi had tried to talk to her about this, but she had sent them all away. At the moment, she didn’t want to see anyone. She didn’t want to hear them say that Sasuke was really dead or that there was  no chance of  him coming back. In her heart, she knew they were wrong. They had to be.

Exhausted, she shuffled into the bedroom and her eyes fell upon the shirt  he had left hanging over a chair. She picked it up and lay down on the bed, desperately hugging the shirt that smelled faintly of  him. “Sasuke…”, she sobbed. “Please… come back.”

Holding his shirt tightly, she cried herself to sleep.

-------

Somewhere in a secret location, two men were being held prisoner in a small darkroom. It was cold and both of them were shivering, but not just from the low temperature. They had been tortured; their bodies were covered in blood from  several injuries they’d received during interrogation. One of the Leaf ninja  had a broken arm; the other’s backside was covered in bloody welts.

“Why don’t you do something?” The one with the broken arm pleaded. “I know that you can!” The other  didn’t reply. “Do you want to die here? I can’t get us out of here, but I can assure they won’t find us immediately!”

The raven-haired man still said nothing.

“   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   !” the young man hissed, his blue eyes searched for any emotion in the other’s face. “Do you think someone from Konoha will come to help? The only thing we know for sure is that  two of us are dead. Maybe they got Neji-san too. Nobody knows where we are. We have to help ourselves or else we’ll die in here!”

“I will not do it,” the raven-haired ninja answered calmly.

“Dammit! Who do you think you are? You’re an Anbu, goddammit! You have a   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   ing duty to make the mission a success and protect yourself and your comrades! Now activate that goddamn curse seal and GET US OUT OF HERE!”

“NO!!”, he screamed and buried his face in his hands. “I will never allow the curse seal to consume me again!”

“Then do you want to die?  Do you want them torture you for information about our mission until they kill you? Don’t you want to go back to your wife?” The dark haired man raised his head slowly. A smile crossed the other’s lips. Finally, he had found a weak spot. “Do it, Sasuke! Get us out of here and I swear to you, I’ll bring you home to your wife!”

The door was pushed open and someone growled, “Unless you made up your mind about giving us some answers, I advise you to shut your mouth! Or do you want another round of… questioning?”

“Do it, Sasuke!” his teammate hissed. “Do it now!”

Sasuke doubled over and pressed his hands against his head. He seemed to fight it, but the black marks were spreading over his pale skin like wild fire. The other watched him with relief. And when Sasuke’s entire body was covered with the curse seal, he dropped his hands and stood up, staring at the man at the door. “You’re as good as dead.”

...tbc...

Chapter 14: Cold

Sakura checked her backpack one final time, before she picked it up and threw one last glance at herself in the mirror. She had exchanged her usual outfit for  more practical ninja attire. She was dressed from head to toe in black;  her new clothes offered a variety  of places to hide kunai and shuriken. After endless days between hope and despair, Sakura  had decided to do something. She had to go find Sasuke, even though she didn’t  know where to start her search. One thing was for sure, she couldn’t remain idle  at home waiting any longer.

When she was satisfied  with her appearance, she tied the Konoha forehead protector  around her head. She traced her fingers over the village symbol etched into the metal; she had chosen to wear the headband that Sasuke had left behind. After one last glance at the place they had once shared, she left the apartment. She’d sworn to herself that she wouldn’t return home  until she had found her husband.

As she was leaving the house, someone came running towards her from across the street, calling out her name. Much to her surprise, it was Naruto. What was he doing here and at this time? After all, it was in the middle of the night! “SAKURA!”, he yelled, probably waking all the nei   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   ours.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “I don’t have time for your jokes right now, Naruto. I’m going to leave the village.”

He shook his head forcefully, inhaled deeply and then he said: “Sasuke is back!”

----------

Sakura hesitantly entered the small room,  her gaze immediately wandered over to the narrow hospital bed. She pressed a hand over her mouth and tears welled up in her pale green eyes. It was him, there on the bed, it was really him. Sasuke. He looked terrible, but he was alive. She approached the bed and reached out to touch him, but didn’t dare to for she was afraid that this was only a dream and when she touched him he would disappear. But when she placed her hand on his forehead, nothing happened. This was real. She could  feel his hot skin and damp hair under her fingers.

“Sasuke…” Tears were streaming down her face and she took his hand in hers. He was  unconscious, but still she uttered his name once more.

“He and one more member of the team were found not far from the village entrance,” said Tsunade, who was standing on the other side of the bed watching over Sasuke. “ I don’t know what happened yet, they were both in such a bad condition. I haven’t had a chance to speak with either of them. Don’t worry though… aside from a few scars, Sasuke will completely recover. I think he’ll regain consciousness soon. He was already awake once and he kept asking for you.”

“I’m so… so very happy…”, Sakura whispered. “May I stay with him?”

“Of course, he needs you now. I’ll check on him again as soon as he wakes up, then you can take him home and  care for  him there.”

Sakura nodded enthusiastically and sat down on the edge of his bed. He looked as if he’d been through hell and back. She hardly noticed when Tsunade left the room.

------------

For half the night, Sakura remained by her husband’s side, watching over him.  Shortly before sunrise, he began to stir. She smiled at him reassuringly when he opened his eyes, he seemed to be disorientated. “Sakura?”

She nodded. “It’s me. You’re at home.”

“Is this a dream?”

“No. You’re safe, Sasuke-kun. They found you and your teammate near the village.” She was still holding his hand. “You cannot imagine, how scared I was… how much I worried about you…”

Even though she tried to stop him, he sat up in his bed. He looked around himself, but did not ask any questions about the room they were in. He was trembling slightly. “Am I really in Konoha?” He stared down at his hands.

“Hush, Sasuke. I know you’ve been through more than I could ever imagine... But you’re at home now, believe me.” When she embraced him, she realized how hard he trembling. “Sasuke, what’s wrong?”

“I’m cold…”, he replied, “So cold…”

“I’ll go get Tsunade. She wanted to check on you anyways,” she said but when she attempted to stand up, he grabbed her by the wrist and held her back.

“I want to go home,” he demanded. Sakura wanted to object, but she could see in his eyes that he was serious about this. “Sakura. Please.”

With a sigh, she asked: “Can you stand up?”

With her help, he managed to get up from the bed. She placed his arm around her shoulder and it startled her that he almost rested his entire weight on her. Normally, he would have rather crawled home on all fours than show her any of his weaknesses. This  worried her greatly.

Nevertheless, she brought him out of the hospital room and told someone that she was going to take  Sasuke home.

--------------

Once they arrived home, Sakura put him back to bed immediately,  he didn’t even protest. She brought him fresh clothes  to change into  as well as something to eat, but he didn’t touch anything. He sat upright in their bed and pulled the blanket tightly  around himself. Tsunade had said he’d be better soon, but Sakura was worried. He was deathly pale and was still trembling heavily. Maybe it had been a mistake to bring him home. She should have at least waited for Tsunade to make sure Sasuke was alright,but it was too late now.

She sat down next to him and pointed at the food she had brought. “You should eat something, Sasuke-kun. You have to get your strength back.”

He shook his head firmly. “I can’t.” Something was wrong with him. Sakura could sense it. The awful welts on his back were proof of what he had been through, but Sasuke wasn’t the type who would get so shaken over something like that. If she didn’t know better, she would have thought that he was simply… scared. He stared at her helplessly. “Sakura… I’m cold…” He was trembling and all the blankets Sakura found couldn’t make it any better.

Sakura was desperate. She wanted to inform Tsunade that she must have made a mistake in bringing him home, something had to be wrong with Sasuke,buthe refused to let her leave his side. “I don’t need a doctor,” he insisted and she had to promise him that she wouldn’t call Tsunade. Sakura placed her palm on his forehead, his pale skin was hot. He was practically burning up with fever.

“Sasuke, at least lie down,” she whispered. “You have to rest.”

Again, he shook his head fiercely. “I can’t.” She was so worried. Never had she seen Sasuke in such a bad state. Even after his fight against Itachi, he hadn’t been in such  bad shape. His unstoppable shaking and  dull eyes  scared her immensely.

It seemed like forever that she sat there by his side, wordlessly, trying to just be there for him. He  sat there, wrapped up in blankets, and stared blankly at the wall.

Eventually, his hand found hers. It must have been the first time that he had ever searched physical contact with her. “Sakura,” he muttered, “Don’t leave…”

She embraced him, careful to avoid his injuries, and replied: “I won’t go. I promise.”

Chapter 15: It Wasn’t Your Fault

Sakura felt different when she woke up.  At first she couldn’t believe that she really was awake. She was warm and safe, it felt like a dream. The u   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   takable scent of her first love was in the air. His hand gently rested on her head and he was softly stroking her cheek. There was an unfamiliar sound that she couldn’t quite place yet, but it was comforting. Sakura realized that it was the lull of Sasuke’s heartbeat.

In her confusion, she sat up. The hand that had been caressing her pulled back. Sakura’s intentions had been to stay awake and take care of Sasuke, but she hadn’t slept much lately. She looked at him, he was still sitting in their bed like before and she could easily tell that he had not found any sleep.

“Forgive me,” she said shyly. He stared at her questioningly with his obsidian eyes. “I must have fallen asleep… I wanted to be here for you…” She took a quick glance out of the window and guessed that she had slept for about two hours or maybe three.

She wasn’t sure if she was really awake. There was still the memory of his loving caress. Did that really happen? She had just fallen asleep, which was no surprise after what she had gone through, but she was shocked that he hadn’t woken her. Now that she thought about it, his steady heartbeat had followed her to her dreams.

At least he was not trembling anymore. She wanted to feel his forehead for fever and when she did, a blanket she hadn’t noticed slipped from her shoulders. She didn’t remember getting a blanket for herself. All of this was strangely… surreal. She felt his forehead and was relieved to see that his temperature had gotten a lot better. His skin didn’t feel as hot as before, but his complexion remained pale.

Sasuke tugged on her black shirt. “What were you up to?”, he asked. She tried to think of something to say, but he was no fool. He wouldn’t fall for any excuses. “Were you going to leave the village?”

“I wanted to go look for you,” she answered honestly. A flash of pain crossed his features and she didn’t understand why. “Sasuke… what happened to you while you were gone?”

He pressed his lips together, almost as if he wanted to stop himself from saying something she wasn’t supposed to hear.

“Sasuke, please. Talk to me,” she pleaded. “You were… scared, when you came here, weren’t you? Scared of what?” His head turned to the side and he stared stubbornly at the wall. She traced a finger along a particularly long scar on his arm and asked: “They tortured you, didn’t they? You and your teammate.”

He nodded hesitantly. She didn’t know what to do. Maybe it wasn’t good to bring back these memories. But Sakura believed that Sasuke needed to talk about his experience. He couldn’t just lock up his feelings inside himself. It wasn’t healthy for him. She bit her lower lip and still wondered whether she should continue asking him these questions, when he calmly said: “I killed them.”

“What?! Who?”

“The people… who had captured us.” His fingers grabbed the blanket. “I used the curse to kill them all. When I came back to my senses, they were dead.”

Hesitantly, she took his hand into hers and undid his grip on the sheets. “It’s okay, Sasuke. You had to kill them to save your life and the life of your teammate!”

“No!”, he yelled angrily. “I swore to myself that I would never use Orochimaru’s power again! You saw for yourself what I become when it takes control!”

“If you came back to me thanks to that curse, then I am grateful that it exists,” she said and she meant every word of it.

His head raised abruptly and he stared at her hatefully. “You have no idea what you’re talking about!” He pulled his hand from her grip. Sakura felt that they had reached a crucial moment. If she continued to ask him questions now, the bond that still connected them might break. She couldn’t stand those hateful eyes. But she also realized that he did not hate HER.

She decided to risk everything and took his hand once more. He tried to pull away, but she refused to let go. She was prepared for a rude reaction, she even expected him to push her away forcefully, when she bravely demanded: “Then explain it. Tell me what happened.”

Depressing silence filled the room. She returned his gaze; his black eyes seemed to stare directly into her soul. Maybe it was her determination that made him talk at last. “Itachi…” It was just one word, but for her it meant the world.

Sasuke tentatively began to speak. “I used the curse to kill my brother.” He pressed her hand and muttered: “I dream about how I killed him every single night. How my hand is resting on his chest and there is blood everywhere… my brother’s blood…” He looked away, his eyes dull once again. “He did not fight back, Sakura.”

“W-what?”

“He wanted me to kill him.” She couldn’t believe her ears. She had never met Itachi but from what she had heard, she wouldn’t have imagined his death to be like that. Still, Sasuke said: “He provoked me. That’s why he always said those things and made me relive my parents’ deaths over and over again. All the time… all the   ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード***   ing time he just wanted me to kill him. He was… smiling… when the curse spread over my body and I prepared for the final blow.”

“But… why?”, Sakura whispered, shocked. “Why, Sasuke?”

“He said, he killed our parents to set us free… to set ME free…”, Sasuke stammered. “He said that they hated us; they feared us, because of our strength. I couldn’t, no, I didn’t WANT to believe it. I killed him! He just stood there and when I came at him, he made no attempt to dodge my chidori…” Sasuke fought hard to regain his composure. It took a while until he was able to go on. “My hand was still on his… his chest… he… was smiling at me and he said that he couldn’t forgive himself for killing them. For what he put me through. He said, all these years, he had just waited for me to grow up and kill him. I was supposed to be the one to punish him.” He doubled over and angry tears dripped down his face and onto the bedsheets.

Sakura’s hands were trembling. She couldn’t imagine what Sasuke must have gone through. It was a tragedy when he lost his parents. His own brother had killed them and no one could tell what it did to his soul. But to imagine that, in the end, he’d had to discover that his brother had regretted his actions, and after lethally wounding him… she just couldn’t imagine it. But there was no longer the question, why his “revenge” had destroyed Sasuke. “Oh god, Sasuke…”, she whispered and started to cry too. She embraced him and this time he did not push her away. He buried his face on her chest and fought the tears that kept coming anyways.

“I killed my brother. He killed our parents but I killed HIM! I killed my own brother. How… how could he do this to me?” His hands continued to tremble even as he held onto Sakura’s shirt helplessly.

Sakura pulled him closer to herself and whispered: “You had no choice, Sasuke. You did him a favor, believe me. If he has been waiting for death all those years… it must have been horrible for him too. He loved you, in his own twisted way. You did the right thing. It’s not your fault, none of it is your fault.”

When he heard these words, something within him seemed break. Repressed feelings broke to the surface and he no longer held back the tears. Sasuke was simply crying and Sakura realized that he just needed to hear these words. That it wasn’t his fault.

She waited patiently for him to calm down. And when he did, he finally found the sleep he had needed so badly. He fell asleep in her arms. It was the first time he slept without any nightmares in years.

-------

Two days after Sasuke had returned to the village, he came to the fifth Hokage’s office with Sakura. Tsunade was rather surprised to see him. Even though she couldn’t quite put a finger on it, something about the two seemed different. Sasuke was still wearing the usual blank expression on his face, and much to Tsunade’s dismay, Sakura somehow had adapted that characteristic. She wasn’t able to read the pink haired girl’s face either. But what was remarkable was that both of them entered the office next to each other, instead of Sakura following Sasuke who usually wouldn’t adjust his pace to hers.

“Sasuke, it’s good to see you recovered so fast,” she said cheerfully. “So, how do you feel?”

“Good,” he replied briefly. “But that’s not why I came here.” He stared directly into the Hokage’s eyes and once again she got the feeling that something was different about him. “I want to report you what happened back then when I beat Itachi.” Tsunade couldn’t believe her ears. Sasuke had always strictly refused to talk about that day. A smirk was playing on his lips when he cast Sakura a quick look. “And then I want you to seal up that curse once and for all.” Sakura was still standing next to him, smiling proudly.

...tbc...

R1dSMjc= · 发表于 2006-11-13 03:46:22

Chapter 16: Freedom

Sasuke stood on top of the hokage monument, his sandaled feet planted firmly on the carved head of the fourth hokage. The wind was playing with his dark hair, which was not held back by his forehead protector as usual. Today he was wearing civilian normal clothes; he didn’t even have a kunai with him.

The sun was shining warmly upon the village and it bathed his skin with its gentle heat. He didn’t exactly know why he had decided to come here. For the first time in weeks he felt as if he had awakened from a nightmare. This morning he had woken besides his wife and hadn’t been able to remember his dreams. There hadn’t been any visions of bloody fights and he hadn’t heard the last words of his brother in his sleep.

Sasuke raised his arms into the air and enjoyed the feeling of the sun on his face and the wind on his skin. So, this was how it felt to be free.

He knew that his dreams would return eventually. One night of crying couldn’t erase all the painful memories. But they were no longer haunting him. A huge burden had been lifted from his soul and he owed it all...to her, Sakura. Somehow, she had managed to break through to him. When he thought of her now, he was no longer annoyed, but... thankful. Sooner or later he would need to talk to her about it all, but not right now. He just wanted to enjoy this kind of freedom.

Minutes passed and the Uchiha relished the solitude, lowering himself to sit on the ground. There was still one thing left to do. He would’ve preferred to do it at home, but he didn’t want her to see him so vulnerable and desperate once again. Here, where he had fought the worst of all battles was probably the right place to remember.

Slowly, he closed his eyes and let the events replay in his head. For the first time since all of this had happened, he allowed himself to remember, instead of burying the painful memories deep inside his mind.

His brother had appeared shortly after Sasuke’s birthday. He hadn’t attacked anyone; he hadn’t tried to abduct Naruto either. No one but Sasuke saw him. Sasuke had felt his presence and followed him up to the hokage monument.

Here they had met once again. As always, Itachi had observed his younger brother with an arrogant glare in the frightening coldness of his blood red eyes. Yet, something had been different about him.

The sight of his brother had aroused his anger and he had launched himself against Itachi immediately. During the battle, Sasuke had realized that Itachi was no longer stronger than him and victory was at hand. He’d even been ready to sacrifice his own life to beat his brother...

Just for a split second, Itachi was careless. Sasuke kicked against Itachi’s chest as hard as he could and his brother stumbled backwards. Itachi’s back hit one of the large trees, Sasuke ran after him, quickly pulling out his kunai. Itachi was stunned for a moment.

He grabbed his brother’s wrist and pressed it against the aging oak. With a shout of hatred, he pushed the kunai into Itachi’s palm. The blade pierced through the back of his hand and into the thick tree bark. Itachi gasped and Sasuke grinned triumphantly. “This is it, Itachi. You lose. I’ll borrow your left hand for a moment, okay?“

He took his brother’s left hand and pressed his fingers against Itachi’s to form the seal of the serpent. This was one of Orochimaru’s techniques; he had learned it for this single purpose. This forbidden jutsu would not only kill his brother, but also himself, but he didn’t care. At least he would defeat Itachi, which was all that mattered. He grinned widely at his elder brother, whose eyes widened in horror. “Kinjutsu..?” he hissed, the surprise obvious in his voice.

“Yes. And now DIE already!”, Sasuke growled. “Double Snake Assassination!”

Just when he was about to release enough chakra to activate the jutsu, Itachi pushed his right hand against the knife that had him impaled to the tree. It dug deeper into his hand, with a primal scream he pushed against it, until it gave in and his arm was freed. Before Sasuke could react, Itachi formed a seal,creating a brilliant flash of white light. A horrible pain shot through his eyes and he stumbled backwards, screaming. He tried to open his eyes, and was rewarded with searing pain..

For a second, Sasuke wondered why Itachi hadn’t attacked him in a different way. Maybe he had realized that the double snake assassination would have killed Sasuke too. Did he want me to stay alive?

The pain was almost unbearable. Sasuke whimpered and then he heard his brother’s voice. “You shouldn’t open your eyes for a while, unless you want to become blind. It wouldn’t be much of a challenge to fight a blind man.”

His hatred for his brother made Sasuke almost forget about the pain. It wasn’t over yet. “Do you really think I need my eyes to beat you?” he asked. He still had the power Orochimaru had given him. Sasuke concentrated, the curse spread across his body like black wild fire . A new wave of power washed over him and he stood up.

Despite the pain, he forced himself to open his twin Sharingan eyes. He didn’t think of the consequences for one single moment. The only thing that mattered was to defeat Itachi and avenge his clan. At first he couldn’t see anything and only felt the pain. Then there were colours, followed by shapes and shadows until his vision was nearly restored. As his eyes were adjusting, he formed his strongest jutsu in his right hand: chidori.

Ten meters away, Itachi just stood there. Sasukes brows furrowed. Did Itachi just smile? Why? Was it a trap? But it was too late to turn back. His body was now entirely covered with the tattoo like curse. He could feel the darkness in his heart, the aching need to kill. There was a voice in his heart, and it was screaming for blood.

He looked his brother in the eye, and then he attacked. Blue chakra was visibly floating around his hand, even stronger than usual, thanks to the added power of the curse. Itachi raised his hands to defend himself and Sasuke prepared himself to break through his brother’s defense.

With a scream, he pushed his arm forward and inside of him, he could hear the voice turn into a chorus of voices which were screaming for blood and death and pain. This wasn’t just a battle any more,he enjoyed this, and all he wished for was to kill his brother.

Then it happened. Itachi let his arms fall to his sides, rendering him completely defenceless to Sasuke’s attack. Sasuke didn’t realize what was happening, but even if he had, he couldn’t have stopped any more.

His hand connected with Itachi’s chest. Suddenly, there was blood everywhere; the chidori tore through Itachi’s insides.

And then there was only silence. Sasuke was standing in front of his brother, his hand still embedded in his chest, and he stared into his brother’s eyes unbelievingly. Blood was dripping from Itachi’s face onto Sasuke’s arm. Sasuke’s hand was entirely covered in his brother’s blood.

Terrified, he stared at his elder brother. WHY!

Itachi looked... content. He opened his mouth and slowly said: “F-forgive... me..” Sasuke couldn’t understand what was happening. Itachi’s breathing came ragged, when he exhaled, blood bubbled from his nose and mouth. He was going to die. His lungs were filling with blood. Sasuke panicked. Itachi was literally going to drown in his own blood. “Sasuke... I did it for you...“ A cold hand was placed against Sasuke’s cheek. “I did it so we could be free”, Itachi said weakly. Sasuke couldn’t reply. He couldn’t UNDERSTAND what was happening. “They hated me, and they were afraid of you, too. Because we were strong. I wanted us to be free.” Itachi grabbed Sasuke’s arm and stared him in the eye, desperately searching for a sign of forgiving in them. But he didn’t find any. Sasuke had no solace to offer his brother.

Itachi staggered and then he fell to his knees. Sasuke took a step forward, standing right above his dying brother. He lowered his head, kneeling down, staring at Itachi. “I wanted to make you strong, Sasuke. So you could punish me for what I did.” He seemed so... relieved, although he had to know that he was going to die. He inhaled, agonized.

“Sasuke”, Itachi whispered, “Finish it...”

Sasuke understood. He reached for Itachi’s sword and Itachi nodded. Sasuke couldn’t think. In his head there was just emptiness, he felt like a puppet. He placed the blade against Itachi’s chest. The brothers were staring each other in the eye. “Freedom... Sasuke… I wanted to be free…“, Itachi said.

And then Sasuke pushed the sword deeply into Itachi’s dying body. For a moment, their faces were so close, they were almost touching. Itachi’s eyes were black, maybe for the first time in years. Sasuke realized that it was over. Itachi was dead. He let go of the sword and stood up.

For a moment, he stared at his brother’s dead body. He couldn’t think, couldn’t feel anything. He felt completely numb inside. His mind didn’t want to believe that Itachi was really dead, nor that he had finally avenged his clan. There was no euphoria, no triumph. Just emptiness.

Slowly, he turned away from his brother’s corpse step by step. He wanted to go home. He didn’t make it very far, he just collapsed. And that’s how the villagers found him, later.

Sasuke raised his head. Tears were burning in his eyes, but this time he wasn’t crying. He had cried for Itachi, in Sakura’s arms. It was over. Now, after all this time, he was finally beginning to realize that it wasn’t his fault. Itachi had planned all of this and he had just been his puppet. Maybe he would never be able to wash the blood from his hands, but it wasn’t his fault that things had turned out the way they had.

Maybe Sakura was right and he had done Itachi a favour. He had looked so peaceful. Free.

Can I be free now too?

He stood up and threw one last glance at the village. He felt as if his life had just begun. He would go back to his wife, who had awoken feelings within him for the first time in years. Maybe, eventually, he’d be able to trust her.

When he came back home he couldn’t find Sakura. Walking through their home, he saw her at the table in their bedroom, where she had fallen asleep on a pile of ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード*** work. But that didn’t surprise him. They were both exhausted from what they had been through lately.

At first he wanted to let her sleep but he couldn’t bring himself to leave the room. He watched her sleeping and wondered silently if she was dreaming about him, for her face looked troubled. He realized what he had done to her; it was like a miracle that she was still here and that he hadn’t done anything to scare her away.

Although he was thankful that she was still here, he wasn’t sure what would happen next. He was still scared to let anyone get close to him. The only people he had unconditionally loved were dead. He had killed one of them with his own hands. He didn’t want to go through this pain again.

But he was married now. He didn’t want to send her away, but he couldn’t open up his heart to her either. Sasuke knew very well that Kakashi and Naruto were trying end their marriage. There was nothing he could do but leave things the way they were. Sooner or later, Sakura would make a decision so he wouldn’t have to, he was sure of it.

Sakura muttered something in her sleep and tried to move. She almost fell from her chair but Sasuke caught her, lifted her from the chair and brought her to bed. When he went back to the table to pick up some of the ***下载/download/otomedream/ダウンロード*** s she had thrown to the ground in her sleep, he saw the one she had been filling out before she had fallen asleep. It was an application for the Jounin exam. Very interesting. He’d thought that she had accepted his decision and given up on being an active shinobi. Obviously, he’d been wrong. He picked up the sheet and thought about ripping it into pieces, but he hesitated.

If this was so important for her… maybe it wasn’t that bad to let her do the exam. In any case, she would learn from it and become stronger. When he closed his eyes he could still see the dead bodies of his parents. If they had been stronger… maybe, if his mother had been a real shinobi, she could have fought against Itachi, and maybe, just maybe things would have turned out different. He put the thought aside. Deep down, he knew that no one could have stopped Itachi.

“Mmmh.. Sasuke?” Sakura muttered sleepily and he turned around to face her. So, he had woken her up after all. She stared at him blankly, until she saw the application form in his hands. “I want to apply for the exams,” she explained. “I still want to be a teacher at the academy, but I need to prove myself that I could do this.”

It came to Sasuke’s mind that this might also be a way to make up for all the things he had done to her. “All right.” He put the form back to the table. “Tsunade won’t let me work for the next weeks anyways… so maybe I could… train you for the exam….”

Sakura was thrilled. “REALLY? Sasuke, that’s… great! Thank you!” She jumped up and hugged him. He suppressed the urge to push her away, but she noticed it anyways. “Sorry,” she said and let go of him. “I’m just happy.”

“Hn.”

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[〖火影〗] [佐助X樱]frozen[完结]

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